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Here's the thing. I'm watching one of these shows on the Cooking Channel featuring food trucks. There's a Scottish expat making fish and chips; in a thick brogue he somewhat wearily explains his irritation with Americans who habitually order a side of tartar sauce: "tartar sauce is basically gherkins." That's this blog. I claim no particular insight, no revelation. If you enjoy the flavor, great, but this blog is basically gherkins.

The Weekly Tendown February 19-25 2012(It's Oscar Sunday)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Dear Internet:




That's the best dunk of the night; Evans won and deservedly so, but I can't say I'm in favor of crowdsourcing the scoring, it gives the announcers excessive ability to prod toward a particular winner.  If its five years from now and the Oscars have followed suit by having voting via tweet and Paul Walker wins Best Supporting Actor, blame the NBA.

115 is here. This is 116.

1. Tendown Moves Pretty Fast, If You Blink, You Can Miss It.
So, the job opportunity that I've referenced in recent Tensdown resurfaced this week; at worst, I'm in the final six and all of my eggs are in this basket.  They're flying me in this week, and since I'm not missing any of my regular classes, wedging that in means this issue has to go down as quickly as possible.  I may do an all-Santorum Tendown this week, as if he loses Michigan Tuesday we're getting close to the end of his time in the spotlight.  But before that...

2. It's Oscar Sunday!


Here are my picks.

Picture: The Artist (The only nominated film I've seen is the Descendants; I have Moneyball and Midnight in Paris but couldn't get to them yet.  I preferred Beginners to Descendants of films from last year.)

Animated: Rango

Foreign: A Separation

Documentary: Paradise Lost 3(I saw it, I think I still prefer the Bill Cunningham doc. I'm looking forward to Undefeated when it comes out on DVD).

Director: Michael Hazanavicius

Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris (is Woody going to the show?)

Adapted Screenplay: Descendants (I can't be the only person hoping that Jim Rash goes on a Michael Moore like run about the travesty that Community isn't still on the air during his acceptance speech.  "We live in fictitious times when Whitney and that Chelsea Handler show are in production while a gloriously funny show like Community sits on the sidelines.")

 
Score: Adele...I mean, the Artist
Song: Man or Muppet (Flight of the Conchords, you're so big!)
Actor: Jean Durjardin
Actress: Viola Davis (I'm almost switching my vote, there's been some late Streep noise. I would vote for Michelle Williams for anything, always.)
Supporting Actor: Christoper Plummer
Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer
Art Direction: Hugo
Cinematography: Tree of Life
Costume Design: Artist
Editing: Artist
Makeup: Iron Lady
Sound Edit: Hugo
Sound Mix: Hugo
Visual Effects: Planet of the Apes
Animated Short: Fantastic Flying Books...
Doc Short: Saving Face
Live Action Short: The Shore

3. What Would be in Your Rider?
This is just for premise beach, as I don't have time to write the joke, but my thought this week was if I had a rider, like Mick Jagger, what would be in it?

4. Okay, let's talk Santorum.
Obama says it should be easier for every American to attend college - Santorum says that makes Obama a snob and besides, all college is for is liberal indoctrination.

5. Okay - college is just about indoctrination, does it start there?
Nope, public schools are also all about liberal indoctrination. 

6. We Hate Schools - And We Hate Europe.
Santorum says 5% of the annual deaths in the Netherlands are seniors euthanized against their will.

7. Santorum isn't Against Health Care Reform Because He's Carrying the Water of the Insurance Industry...
he's against health care reform because it's really a social experiment designed to kill people with disabilities.

8. Why Are the Democrats Trying to Kill The Special Needs Children?
because all Democrats think about is dirty, sinful sex., says Rick Santorum.

9. Why is all of This Happening to us??
Because Satan is attacking the United States, says Rick Santorum.

10.  So, clearly it's all about Satan, got it.  Why don't people on the left - people like me, why don't we agree with your Satan based politics, Rick? 
Because the left is anti-reason.

So, there you go.  Rick Santorum - the candidate of reason.  Once we use our reason, the inescapable conclusion that Satan guides public policy in Scandinavia, Satan is behind the environmental movement, Satan is why anyone argues for moving away from for profit health insurance, Satan has infiltrated our universities and public schools, Satan is why we've done away with Don't Ask Don't Tell, Satan is why states no longer have the ability to make birth control illegal.  Satan.

It's so clear if you just use your reason.

The right wing in 2012.  There we go.

That's all for this time.  I'll be back next time....if there is a next time....

Your pal,

Jim

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