1st and Ten - The Weekly Tendown, Special Easterdown 2011

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Dear Internet:

I was planning on a normal issue for Tendown 73; here, for example is an infograph of the google image search results for "Brian Wilson" (The Beach Boy is still holding on, but not overwhelmingly).  But that was before I saw this during my nightly viewing of Sean Hannity's television news program.  It's on one of those cable news channels.  I don't remember which, they're all basically the same, right?  I mean, it's the news.   

Good God!

With all those other wars we're, er... on (Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Christmas, Carbs) you'd think we wouldn't have time to prosecute another one.  Clearly - as a card carrying pacifist, I am against the War on Easter (but of course, I support the troops) and wanted to send an Easter shoutout to the most persecuted, most marginalized group in American history - Christians.

Here's Tendown 73.  Easterdown!

1. Evolution = Homosexuality = Nazis
Terrible, how the gay, Darwinist agenda is driving us toward totalitarianism.

2. Only 72 Hours?
There are still some, but very, very few abortions in South Dakota.  But required religious lectures might drive that number down. As would locking more women in jail.  Now, as I've written about previously, having a baby is demonstrably worse for the health of a woman than having an abortion - but still, it's important that states like Iowa officially promote abortion recovery.

3. What Establishment Clause?
Mike Huckabee says we should all listen to America's greatest historian - at gunpoint.  Don't read this complete debunking of said "historian."

4. Shouldn't We Be Doing This Already?
Why should a Congressman have to ask that all of us reflect on the importance of the Ten Commandments?

5. Finally The Truth -
Jesus hates social programs.  And the environment.  And the minimum wage.

6. When Will Those Gay Kids Stop All That Bullying!
Almost impossible to be a straight teenager in public school these days.

7. Don't Mess In Texas
I can always count on really surprising many of my students by telling them that, up until just a few years, ago, it was constitutional for states to make homosexuality against the law.  I don't use the acronym SWG (sexin' while gay) but it crosses my mind.

But even though the Supreme Court has clearly and definitively ruled on the issue, Texas keeps anti-gay sex statutes on the books.

8. You Know Who is For That?
Rick Santorum.

Non Easter related entertainment interlude.

That's a screen shot from one of this week's episodes of Happy Endings; it's a brunch scene, that's a giant plate of bacon.  Now, the table is filled with small plates similar to the one next to the giant plate of bacon; it isn't as if there are large platters of food.  Instead, in front of one character, about whom there is an ongoing joke that he's chubby, is a giant, totally unremarked about, plate of bacon.  That's a good joke.

Better than Happy Endings is Parks and Recreation, which totally stole this Thursday from both 30 Rock and The Office.  And better that that was the HBO roundtable discussion about standup comedy with Gervais, Seinfeld, Rock, and Louis CK.

I've seen four 4 star wrestling matches this week; all with juice - two from the same Big Japan show in March,
Sasaki v. Kodoka and Kasai v. Takeda; and two from the TNA PPV, a 4 1/4 War Games match, and the best major American wrestling match you're going to see all year, a 4 1/2 star Angle/Jarrett.

Now - back to the holiday celebration.

9. Gay = Criminalizing Christianity
The only way to keep Christianity legal - stop using the word gay. Instead, call them anti-Christian.

10. Half a Billion Too Little
American taxpayers gave half a billion dollars to Liberty University last year.  Not nearly enough, because we should squeeze out a bonus to the associate dean at the Liberty law school, who said the reason gay kids kill themselves is because they know what they're doing is wrong.

Ten isn't enough!  Not on Easterdown 2011!  Not when the President is...

11. Anti-God!
The President!  Hates God!

The federal government's a lost cause - but not the state governments in the south...

12. Fortunately, there's still some Christians in Mississippi
Mississippi wisely, has made the godly choice to teach abstinence only sex education; and they spend 0 state dollars on HIV;  if they have to suffer with the nation's highest teen pregnancy rate and a level of HIV that Human Rights Watch calls an "epidemic", that obviously is just part of Jesus's plan.

Okay, one more -

13. $29.95
Against gay marriage?  Have 30 bucks?  Have I got an Easter offer for you.

Well, this is awfully important too.

14. Stockpile Bibles!
For the coming Earthquakeocolypse.

No - this is the last one.  Because we could help out our friends in Texas.

15. Pray for Rain!
The Republicans are now married to the position that climate change is a liberal hoax - so the only way to deal with historic droughts - is, of course, prayer.

Ten just isn't enough.  Not on this special, special day.  Hopefully you'll take some time to reflect and remember we must be vigilant against the Islamo-fascists who attempt to enforce their religious beliefs via sharia on us; or could, at any moment.  And that would be wrong.

Good talk.  Happy Easter!

That's all for this time.  See you next time.  If there is a next time....

Your pal,


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