1st and Ten: The Weekly Tendown. June 20-26 2010, NBA Draftdown

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dear Internet:

Are you like me, Internet?

If you're like me, at 11:00 Thursday night you were watching the DVR'd 2010 NBA Draft, taking notes in order to write some version of a humorous draft blog such as I did  with the '82-91 drafts. And when the sixth pick arrived for your lifelong favorite NBA franchise, the Golden St. Warriors, you shouted from your brand new couch at your brand new television:

Take Greg Monroe.  Do not take Udoh.  Do not take Udoh.  Do not take Udoh.  Monroe is a sweet passing big man; he's Andrew Bogut; when we mistakenly sell low on Biedrins at least we'll have Monroe to fall back on.  Udoh is a 23 year old junior.  Do not take Udoh.

The Warriors are about to be sold, for those of you unaware; and it feels sort of like a foreclosure, like Cohan and Nellie are stripping the place of the copper wiring before the bank takes possession. 

If you're like me, that's the joke you wrote at 11:00 Thursday night.

Right after we took Udoh.

Let's get to Tendown 32.  NBA Draftdown!

First:  No One Enjoys Being Booed as Much as David Stern
The New York fans opened the draft by booing David Stern like he was leaving the oil soaked Gulf Coast to go check out some yacht races.  He clearly digs it; Simmons used the Vince McMahon reference in his draft blog, so I'll scratch it from my notes, but I did expect him to follow up his introduction about the draftees coming to the NBA to "compete against the best basketball players" with the coda "and also the Knicks."

Vince got sued this week, incidentally - Owen's widow apparently hasn't been getting residuals for the 30 some odd DVDs in which he's appeared since his death.  Which I'm thinking is it's less oversight than Vince saying something to the effect of - "we're never writing that woman a single check."  'Cause, instead of, you know, coming on RAW the night after WWF negligence killed her husband to shoot a Melanie Pillman angle, she took 18 million from their insurance company in an out of court wrongful death settlement.

Don't vote for Linda, Connecticut.  You'll regret it. 

I don't know what Vince's or Stern's favorability ratings would be - but they'd be higher than BP's.  This week's NBC/Wall St. Journal poll has BP being viewed favorably by 6% of Americans (Joe Barton presumably has apologized for the poll as well) .  The only lower scores in poll history were Saddam Hussein, Fidel Castro, and Yasser Arafat (Udoh has yet be similarly scrutinized). 

Meanwhile, a Republican congressman took the House floor to claim that Obama's securing a 20 billion dollar escrow account from the fourth most unpopular entity in the history of the NBC News poll was just like, wait for it, wait for it...Hitler. 

You know who else is just like Hitler?  Don Nelson.  Don Nelson and Chris Cohan and Larry Riley and the entire Golden St. franchise.  Just like Hitler.  No difference.  Exactly the same.  I'm gonna tea party that GSW ass.

After the jump, the rest of the Tendown.

1. With the first pick, the Washington Wizards select...
ESPN told me that John Wall was the 5th point guard ever taken first overall (Lucas, Magic, AI, Rose), I'm gonna assume they qualified that for only the post-merger drafts and I just missed it (Oscar went #1 in '60).  It's not just that few point guards have gone 1 overall - few guards have had the top spot - I don't think an off guard has gone first overall since Doug Collins in '73.  Wall, I'm thinking, will wind up being a tick disappointing.  Unlike this video of a tiny cat wearing a tiny hat eating a tiny ice cream cone.

2. With the second pick, the Philadelphia 76ers select...
Evan Turner's kind of a less athletic Jimmy Jackson.  Presumably he won't wind up sleeping with Toni Braxton along with Jrue Holliday and Andre Iguodala.  That would be sweet though, like NBA Cougar Town.  But even were that to happen, even if Toni Braxton were wracking her brains like crazy all over every Sixer perimeter player in 2010 - it still wouldn't be the weirdest Philly-sports-sex thing you'll be reading about in this week's Tendown.

That would be this sex fantasy about the 1980 Phillies.    Sparky Lyle was on that team.  And Tim McCarver.  You do the math.

3.  With the third pick, the New Jersey Nyets select...
Derrick Favors looks a whole helluva lot like Chris Bosh.  The new platform of the Republican Party in Texas looks a lot like it was written in the Gilded Age.  They want the income tax abolished, they want minimum wage to be repealed, they don't want a tenure system for university professors, they want all Hate Crimes laws repealed, they don't want federal funding for early childhood development, they want to get rid of Social Security, they want to eliminate judicial review of any Bill of Rights related legislation, they want homosexuality to be criminalized.

Which is the radical political party?  The one which wants dramatic, radical, shocking change?

4. With the fourth pick, the Minnesota Timberwolves select...
When Wes Johnson stood up, Jay Bilas said "This is the best dressed lottery we've had, by far.  By far." I'd love to read a Jay Bilas fashion blog:

Christian Lacroix sets a standard for haute couture; that's because Hermes is the breeding ground for that standard; a standard where veteran designers pass down knowledge to young designers; and knowledge of that standard is the great equalizer that separates the big time couture houses from the one and done pret a porter factories; there's a tradition of excellence, a standard of excellence and Christian Lacroix carries out that standard to this day.  To this day.

Johnson's gonna bust.  Not like Udoh.  But the Wolves coulda had Cousins.

5. With the fifth pick, the Sacramento Kings select..
...the best talent in the draft, DeMarcus Cousins. 

The best piece written this week was from the NY Times Magazine, about the history of progressivism on the Supreme Court; the author correctly notes that the last appointee to articulate a progressive constitutional vision was Thurgood Marshall in 1967.  Much of the conservative frame through which we (including the President) automatically view the issues of the day is because of the driving rightward move of the Supreme Court:

It is unfortunate that constitutional law is now once again facing the severe challenge of dealing with the astonishing strengths and risks associated with our version of capitalism. We are all better off when economic crisis is averted and wealth increases. Constitutional law, for its part, is purer and more morally uplifting when it is focused on liberty and equality.

6. With the sixth pick.  Just take Monroe.  Don't take Udoh.  Just take Monroe.  Please.
...the Golden St. Warriors select...

Seriously.  Monroe is better and he fits with our talent.  Just take Monroe.

...Ekpe Udoh....

Yeah, we do things wrong.  Here's Bryan Danielson's new site.    I mean, if we're thinking about bungled personnel decisions.

I've seen two 4 star matches since last I talked graps; the Marufuji/Kenta was 4 1/4 and Richards/Strong from April PWG was 4 1/2 and goes into the MOTY race. 
7. With the seventh pick, the Detroit Pistons select...

Greg Monroe. 

You're welcome, Detroit.

I wrote about the tennis match earlier in the week.  In that post is a link to a liveblog from the UK Guardian; it is tremendous, the best sportswriting you'll see all year about the most extraordinary sports event you'll see all year.  You're welcome.

8. With the eighth pick, the LA Clippers select...
I've got nothing to say about Aminu and his glasses.  But I'll have plenty to say later in the week, when I'll be posting my 3rd and final MLB All-Star roster selection and (over at the other blog) the final chapter in the Road to Summer Slam 2009. 

9. With the ninth pick, the Utah Jazz select...
The white guy.  Which is clearly what every single person attending and/or watching the draft simultaneously said when Utah picked the kid from Butler.  Except, of course, for everyone analyzing the draft for ESPN. Utah reached for the white kid.  The white kid with (as Jay Bilas immediately pointed out) the "high basketball IQ"  (Fran Fraschilla said that about another pick not too far outside the top guess as to who it was).

If he has a better career than Xavier Henry, I owe Jerry Sloan a beer.  He'll have to come here to get it; I assume Salt Lake City is dry. 

I'm gonna double down on my essential thought about Obama's race from last week's Tendown - which was that there are white people who view black bosses as illegitimate, and not a small percentage of either group.  I have encountered otherwise clear thinking middle of the road men who viewed being subordinate to a black man in the workplace as emasculating.  Who essentially said, "you aren't the boss of me" in ways they simply would not dare to do with a white boss.  To a white man - a black boss is at best a stepdad and at worst a substitute teacher. I wrote it last Sunday and Stanley McChrystal proved it this week.  Is that interview ever given by someone of his military rank about a white President?

More important that his words are his decisions, as not too many people voted for Obama hoping for Afghanistan escalation.

10. With the tenth pick, the Indiana Pacers select...
Paul George has nothing to do with soccer.  But when I was a kid going to San Jose Earthquakes games, I used to see Paul Child cheered on by Crazy George.  And that's close enough.

Not quite close enough however...

Fun while it lasted.

I'll see you next time.  If there is a next time....

Your pal,


No comments

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It