1st and Ten: The Weekly Tendown August 22-28 2010

Dear Internet:

There are segregated middle school class elections in Mississippi.  In 2010.

Here's Tendown 41.

First: The Simplest of Jacks

Glenn Beck's I Have a Dream Speech was yesterday; it's hard to get overly agitated by Beck; he seems so transparently craven.  If the American public wants to buy his John Birch society wine in new bottles, I suppose they can.

Except his aren't just simple arguments about American history; they're outright falsehoods, like the separation of church and state was a myth; I had a conversation with a student awhile ago who believed such, she offered quotes from Madison and Jefferson that didn't seem remotely plausible, and it turns out they're fabricated by David Barton, Glenn Beck's "historian".  The student disbelieved this, instead taking the position that my education at "secular schools" disabled my ability to see the truth. 

There is an agreement we need to make about facts; as members of an academic community, as citizens of a democracy, as thinking reeds; there have always been those on the fringe of American thought who wore tinfoil hats, now we put them on Fox News and call them real Americans. 

The guts of Beck's March on Reality yesterday are his stated claim that King didn't fight for economic justice; you can see over and over again Beck's argument that the entirety of the King legacy is about color blindness (and who better to deliver that message in 2010 than the man who said the first African-American President has a "deep seated hatred for white people").  This is just factually incorrect.  At the time of King's assassination (he was in Memphis supporting a garbage strike, a month before he spoke to 1300 striking sanitation workers, "Don’t go back on the job until the demands are met. “Never forget that freedom is not something that is voluntarily given by the oppressor. It is something that must be demanded by the oppressed....If we are going to get equality, if we are going to get adequate wages, we are going to have to struggle for it.) he was organizing the Poor People's Campaign:

King spent the last months of his life organizing a popular movement aimed at disrupting the machinery of the United States until the passage of an Economic Bill of Rights;
“The dispossessed of this nation—the poor, both white and Black—live in a cruelly unjust society. They must organize a revolution against that injustice, not against the lives of their fellow citizens, but against the structures through which the society is refusing to lift the load of poverty.”

These are not King quotes that you would have heard from Beck's stage yesterday. 

The flaw is not entirely, or even largely, Beck's.  Our national consciousness has almost entirely erased King's economic radicalism, focusing only on the elements of his civil rights work now largely considered benign; King's a commodified, beatified marker for the notion that all men are created equal.  A notion that, when it comes to race, is accepted by even the most fact-free of the Simple Jack nation.

Except in Mississippi, that is, where the middle school class President has to be a white kid.

Like Muhammad Ali, King's had his edges dulled.  Our collective understanding of him has been limited to a greeting card, "gosh, wouldn't it be great if little black boys and little white boys could hang out together and stuff and there'd be no more fighting.  Boo on fighting!  I have a dream where people won't be mean anymore."

And we can all get behind that.  Corporations, elementary school teachers, Tea Partiers, Simple jack.  You.  Me.  We're all against mean people in the abstract.  Thanks, Dr. King.

But the guy who said:

 “It is a tragic mix-up when the United States spends $500,000 for every enemy soldier killed, and only $53 annually on the victims of poverty.”

and

The profit motive, when it is the sole basis of an economic system, encourages a cutthroat competition and selfish ambition that inspires men to be more concerned about making a living than making a life.

and

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.

and

True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice.

and

Any religion which professes to be concerned with the souls of men and is not concerned with the slums that damn them, the economic conditions that strangle them, and the social conditions that cripple them, is a dry-as-dust religion.

That's a voice we could use more of in our national debate in 2010.  Not to mention in Mississippi middle schools and tea party rallies on the Washington mall.    

And in Tennessee - where they set fire to the mosque site last night. Probably though, Howard Dean will tell us that's due to good faith issues that good, well intentioned Americans have with the placement of a mosque at...er....Ground Zero...in Murfreesboro.  Where they've had a mosque.  For 30 years.  Without incident.  Until now. 
 
After the jump - the rest of Tendown 41

2010 Emmy Predictions

The Emmys are Sunday.  I have thoughts.

Best Drama
Will Win - Mad Men
Should Win - Breaking Bad
If There's an Upset - The Good Wife

Mad Men had a terrific year; its best season, and probably I've written someplace that it's the best show on TV.  It's not that it's clearly behind Breaking Bad; it's more of a horses for courses situation - I'll take the emotional punch of the stripped down, barebones Breaking Bad over the more stylized Mad Men.  They're solidly the two best dramas on television; were Mad Men to win, that would be 3 straight - only two dramas have ever won 4 straight (guess!  guess what they are!  it's guessing time!  All right, fine.  Hill St. and West Wing.)

If there is an upset - I think the portion of the electorate desirous of a mainstream network drama to win the award might be able to sneak through a Mad Men/Breaking Bad splinter vote and give the trophy to the Good Wife.  It's not likely - Mad Men is at even money, but there's value in the Good Wife at 9-1. 

Best Comedy
Will Win - Modern Family
Should Win - 30 Rock

30 Rock's won 3 straight (Fraiser won an unconscionable 5 straight) it's still the best comedy on television, despite the pretty clear desire to annoint a new king, and I'd vote it first and Curb second, were I to have a ballot.  But Modern Family is pretty darn good and has a truckload of nominations - it would be a solid surprise if it didn't win.

Best Actor - Drama
Will Win - Michael Hall
Should Win - Er...ah...I'm going to say Jon Hamm

Bryan Cranston's won consecutive years, and three straight for a show no one watches seems a little heavy, but it wouldn't break my heart.  I'm rooting for Kyle Chandler; he won't win, but FNL has a little engine that could aspect I appreciate - Hugh Laurie and Michael Hall get to do the most scenery chewing and neither has won; I'd lean Hall takes the prize, but Laurie would be almost as likely to walk across the stage.  I'd vote for Hamm - he's Don Draper; too often the more subtle performances are overlooked in favor of histrionics, his is the heartbeat of the most awarded drama on the air.

Best Actress - Drama
Will Win - Juliana Marguiles
Should Win - Connie Britton

Britton has no chance to win, but this is an easy category for me; FNL is a decided step behind the two AMC shows in quality, but that puts it a step ahead of the rest of the field, and this is the recognition that I'd like to see it get.  Glenn Close has won consecutive years; she doesn't win again - it's a two horse race between Marguiles and Kyra Sedgwick; I'm going to say the full force of the networks comes into play here to give it to Marguiles. 

Best Actor - Comedy
Will Win - Tony Shalhoub
Should Win - Steve Carell

The appeal of Monk is lost on me - but not on voters who have given Shalhoub 3 previous Emmys and I'm going to say he takes a 4th.  Carell has no chance, but his was a more consistently funny performance to my eyes this season than was Baldwin's and they're really the only two contenders for my vote.  I picked Parsons last year, and if Shalhoub doesn't win he will; he's good, Big Bang is good, but it's too broad to compare, for me, to the elite performances in the category. 

Best Actress - Comedy
Will Win - Edie Falco
Should Win - Amy Poehler

-Is Nurse Jackie a comedy?  Falco's going to win; she'll be the first woman ever to win for leads in both comedy and drama - I wouldn't vote for her as a thirty minute show should no more automatically be considered a comedy than a 60 minute show (like Glee) should be considered a drama.  Collette won last year; if Falco somehow doesn't win (which strikes me as really, really unlikely) she does.  Poehler gave the best comedy performance of the group, and Parks went by the Office this season as the number two network comedy; it's not a hard vote for me. 

And the rest:

Supporting Comedy - Jane Lynch, Eric Stonestreet
Supporting Drama - Terry O' Quinn, Christina Hendricks
Reality Comp - Amazing Race
Late Night/Variety - The Tonight Show w/Conan
TV Movie - Temple Grandin
Mini Series - The Pacific
TV Movie Actor - Al Pacino
TV Movie Acress - Claire Danes
TV Movie Supporting - Patrick Stewart, Susan Sarandon

1st and Ten - The Weekly Tendown: August 15-21 2010

Dear Internet:

First: Hey, did you hear they're building an Islamic cultural center in New York in an old Burlington Coat Factory?

This, apparently, is bothersome to people. 

About this, I have two thoughts.

1. Why?
2. So what?

Here's the piece from last December in the NY Times that first brought to national attention the "ground zero mosque."  The clerics behind the project said then what they have consistently said since, that it was an attempt to demonstrate the commitment to peace that most Muslims have, "We want to push back against the extremists."  Here was the statement from Bloomberg's director of immigrant affairs: "We as New York Muslims have as much of a commitment to rebuilding New York as anybody." 

Why isn't that taken at face value?  Why is the building of a mosque not viewed as a sign of harmony?  Here was George Bush, in 2007:

"Well, first of all, I believe in an Almighty God, and I believe that all the world, whether they be Muslim, Christian, or any other religion, prays to the same God. That's what I believe. I believe that Islam is a great religion that preaches peace. And I believe people who murder the innocent to achieve political objectives aren't religious people, whether they be a Christian who does that – we had a person blow up our – blow up a federal building in Oklahoma City who professed to be a Christian, but that's not a Christian act to kill innocent people.



"And I just simply don't subscribe to the idea that murdering innocent men, women and children – particularly Muslim men, women and children in the Middle East – is an act of somebody who is a religious person."

George Bush.  Voice of religious tolerance. 

Look, from my perspective, Islam is largely a force of oppression and superstition.   Just like Christianity - I'm not a fan; if you ask me, "on balance, has organized religion been a force of good or bad" - I'd say bad; I'd say it confidently and without much hesitation.  Religion undermines our ability to think critically and pushes us instead to magic.

But I'm on the fringe.  I get that.   I live in Florida, where Christians bomb abortion clinics, kill obstetricians, have made gay couples ineligible to adopt and are planning a giant Koran burning  to commemmorate 9-11.  But despite my inclination to impute the very worst, most destructive, most bigoted, most terroristic behavior of Christians to all Christians - when I see a church, I don't really believe that everyone therein is engaged in systemic hostility. 

George Bush is right (?) Tim McVeigh bombed the federal building in Oklahoma City in the name of Jesus, and yet churches have been built near the site.  And that seems not unreasonable to me.  Sure, I could connect a direct line from the language of the Bible to the violence committed in the name of Christianity, and discuss how the lack of outrage from moderate Christians at, say, the decades long messages of hate that come from the Pat Robertsons of the world emboldens the more outrageous actions of the terroristic Christian fringe; and I could further discuss how there has been a mainstreaming of the worst, most intolerant, most xeonophobic elements of the right wing, such that the President most married to conservative Christianty in US history could have, just 3 years ago, taken a position that, in 2010, would draw howls of derision on Fox News.

I'm, to use O'Reilly's epithet, a "secular progressive."  But I recognize the worst elements of Christianity are not all elements of Christianity. 

And even if I didn't, so what?

Howard Dean's argument this week was we really need to listen to Americans who are sincerely bothered by this Mosque.

No, we don't.

Here's the Maryland Toleration Act of 1649:

That whatsoever person or persons within this Province and the Islands thereunto helonging shall from henceforth blaspheme God, that is Curse him, or deny our Saviour Jesus Christ to bee the sonne of God, or shall deny the holy Trinity the father sonne and holy Ghost, or the Godhead of any of the said Three persons of the Trinity or the Unity of the Godhead, or shall use or utter any reproachfull Speeches, words or language concerning the said Holy Trinity, or any of the said three persons thereof, shalbe punished with death and confiscation or forfeiture of all his or her lands and goods to the Lord Proprietary and his heires.


Deny Jesus - and we'll kill you.

That was colonial America.  That was the exact reason for the separation of church and state.  That's why the establishment clause - that the US has no state religion - is first among all of the freedoms protected in the Bill of Rights.  And it's why Christian identity groups like the KKK have rightly been moved to the dustbin of history.  Christians don't stand with the Klan - they disavowed them decades ago.  And here's why - from a 1999 FBI report:

Christian Identity also believes in the inevitability of the end of the world and the Second Coming of Christ. It is believed that these events are part of a cleansing process that is needed before Christ’s kingdom can be established on earth. During this time, Jews and their allies will attempt to destroy the white race using any means available. The result will be a violent and bloody struggle -- a war, in effect -- between God’s forces, the white race, and the forces of evil, the Jews and nonwhites.

"The view of what Armageddon will be varies among Christian Identity believers. Some contend there will be a race war in which millions will die; others believe that the United Nations, backed by Jewish representatives of the anti-Christ, will take over the country and promote a New World Order. One Christian Identity interpretation is that white Christians have been chosen to watch for signs of the impending war in order to warn others. They are to then physically struggle with the forces of evil against sin and other violations of God’s law (i.e., race-mixing and internationalism); many will perish, and some of God’s chosen will be forced to wear the Mark of the Beast to participate in business and commerce. After the final battle is ended and God’s kingdom is established on earth, only then will the Aryan people be recognized as the one and true Israel."


"Christian Identity adherents believe that God will use his chosen race as his weapons to battle the forces of evil. Christian Identity followers believe they are among those chosen by God to wage this battle during Armageddon and they will be the last line of defense for the white race and Christian America."


That's the Klan. 

I'm sure they believe it.  I'm sure they have genuine, good faith concerns and beliefs that motivate them to oppose the building of an Islamic cultural center at the site of the Burlington Coat Factory. 

But so what?  We have a history in this country of persecution of racial, ethnic, and religious minorities.  Which, more than we haven't, we've been able to overcome.  I couldn't be elected President without a professed belief in Jesus - but I can go to Baltimore and not get stoned.  So - upgrade.

You don't like mosques.  So what?   Don't go into one.  But the rights of a religious minority to practice no more depend upon your comfort with that practice than the rights of Christians to practice depend on my comfort.  If I walk to First United Methodist down the street and suggest they close their doors because of my disagreement with the murder of obstetricians what do you suppose will be the reaction I'll receive?

Incidentally - the above FBI report from '99 discussing Christian identity groups was about domestic terrorism concerns around the turn of the millennium.  Those views = terrorism back in 1999.

What would Tea Partiers think about that passage in 2010?  How about Sarah Palin.  Or Sharron Angle?

Is it still domestic terrorism - or a too often neglected view of many Americans that we need to pay attention to?  Sometimes, in the aftermath of Obama's election as we've heard the right wing say "we want our country back" - I've responded by asking "from whom?" - but perhaps the better question is "and who are you who have lost your country?"

Who are you - right wing?  Who are you in 2010?   

Me - I'm a guy teaching 10 courses now.  So, as long as that's the case - I got one thought and then nothing but links.  After the jump - the rest of Tendown 40.

1st and Ten: The Weekly Tendown August 8-14 2010

Dear Internet:

Sure hope the check cleared.

Let's do Tendown 39.

First: Via ovicipitum dura est

My favorite general election Presidential candidate from either of the two parties in US history was Adlai Stevenson.  Here he was accepting the nomination in 1952:

Let's talk sense to the American people! Let's tell them the truth, that there are no gains without pains, that we are now on the eve of great decisions, not easy decisions, like resistance when you're attacked, but a long, patient, costly struggle which alone can assure triumph over the great enemies of man - war, poverty and tyranny - and the assaults upon human dignity which are the most grievous consequences of each.

Adlai got his clock cleaned  by Ike in both '52 and '56 - and had to wear the appellation hung on him by Ike's running mate Nixon --- egghead.

The way of the egghead is hard was the first of Stevenson's retorts.  Of course he said it in Latin.  His second was a joke: "eggheads of the world Unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks"

I'm guessing in 2010, a national politician couldn't say either.  Latin would be unpardonably elitist and a joke referencing Marx would feed the right wing hate machine for weeks.  In '52, Nixon called Stevenson an egghead to portray him as overly intellectual, out of touch with the common man; today, it isn't just politicians who succeed pandering to the least common denominator, running away from thoughts which need to be expressed in polysyllables seems to be a virtue across our national landscape.

Here's a piece from the NY Times this week about the current rock star on the Food Network, Guy Fieri:

“You feel like he has that same background just like you do, never pretentious, nothing fancy,” observed Ami Wilson, who went to the Atlantic City event with her husband, Matthew, a police officer in central New Jersey.


Kathleen McCormick, who brought her two teenage sons to see Mr. Fieri from their beach house nearby on the Jersey Shore, said, “He’s the only one who never talks down to anybody.” (She said that other cooking shows were “too preachy” for them.)

Congratulations, Kathleen.  You're quoted in the New York Times, almost certainly the single moment in your life in which your ideas reach their greatest audience - and you criticize television chefs for thinkin' they're all big. 

The premise of the piece in the Times is that the same vein of anti-intellectualism tapped into by Sarah Palin (nothing should be too complex that you can't write it on your hand) runs its way throughout our culture; my argument would be its pumped by the muscle of economic anxiety.  In times perceived as more prosperous,  it was Simon Cowell grabbing our national consciousness, condescending and snide; slapping us around like a hooker Don Draper hired on Thanksgiving in '64.  But post economic collapse, foreign accents render you suspicious (and foreign accents plus dark complexions will get you a demand to see your citizenship papers in Arizona); what we want is affirmation that ours are the correct values and choices (let's return to founding principles!) and what we need are scapegoats.  The immigrants are taking our jobs.  Obama's policies are designed to help blacks.  The democrats are turning welfare and unemployment into a virtue.  And when people with advanced degrees talk about global warming (or evolution) as factual; when they note that a committment to reduce the deficit can't be reconciled with the desire to continue the Bush tax cuts for those who make over a quarter million dollars a year; when instead of bowing to anti-Muslim bigotry they point out that, as opposed to the US being a "Christian nation" it was specifically designed by those founding fathers to whom the right gives lip service as governmentally godless;  they are called out of touch with the concerns of real Americans.  For over a decade, my boots have been on the ground in what should be our national war against ignorance, against supersitition, against know-nothingness, but each year, my ability to reach my students depends less and less on what I know and more on more on how personally and emotionally relatable I can be.  It's not exactly the life of the mind I signed up for.

My favorite quote from Stevenson was in his concession to Ike in '52, "it hurts too much to laugh and I'm too old to cry." 

And that's where we are here, at the end of the American empire.  August 2010. 

After the jump - the rest of the tendown.

SummerSlam 2010 - Preview

For reference, my Wrestlemania 26 preview is here.  My 2009 SummerSlam preview is
here.

Kirk Hiner and I have written a produced play together, an unproduced sitcom together, started a professional comedy troupe together - you can find his solo work here (for which he is paid - paid straight cash to write the words) and you're reading my solo work right now.  Left to right and everything.  For free.  You're welcome.  Me, I think it's time to give our play away - put the script up on the interwebs so it can be part of our public record; the only obstacle to your (yes, your!) reading the majestic Spoon Millionaires right now, sharing your favorite lines on the Facebook, passing along our script to some of your well connected friends who, in turn, would then take us away from our wage slave lives and allow us to live, fat and happy, on a sex farm, stretchin' in your pea patch, plowin' through your beanfield, are the whims of Kirk Hiner, all protective of his intellectual property and whatnot. 

For each of the 4 traditional WWE PPVs, I write a preview in this space, really designed just to carry Kirk Hiner through the WWF narrative; we've been doing some version of this since WM 13; for a few years it was every PPV (WCW and ECW too) even if I had to report through squigglevision.  I want to say I gave star ratings to those matches ("Am I crazy - or did Billy Gunn just start throwing blockbuster suplexes all over the goddamn ring?  3 3/4 stars!") And for a few years it was by phone - I transcribed and read Austin's 3:16 speech from KOTR and Hogan's heel promo when he joined the NWO.  I did it with verve and gusto. It is part of our heritage.

So, you who aren't Kirk, are welcome to stay (losers) but largely I'm just talking to him.  How are the kids?  Do you have a fantasy draft date - I'm not ready as I sit here, but can get ready with some warning.  I've got a light Labor Day week, so I've scheduled both of mine then. Hey, right now I'm watching the opener to Hard Knocks - Joe Namath's face is melting like he's just been shown the ark of the covenant. 

SummerSlam is Sunday from...LA, I think - it was there last year too, I wonder if that's a thing they're doing now since Vince got his Walk of Fame star (I think they put him next to George Takei.  Balloon knot. Oh, my.)  This is the 23rd Summer Slam; at the bottom, I'll list the best SSlam matches ever like I do.  Here's the card:

Elimination Tag Team Match:
Team WWE (John Cena, Bret Hart, R-Truth, John Morrison, Edge, Chris Jericho, & ?) vs. The Nexus (Wade Barrett, Skip Sheffield, Michael Tarver, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young and David Otunga)

-The driving story through the summer has been turning the developmental wrestlers who comprised the opening season of the NXT show on Sci Fi (now called Scy Fy or perhaps there are accent marks or random Z's thrown in someplace) into a heel stable (Nexus, which I'm pretty sure is a dandruff shampoo "Nexus - strong enough for a man - but made for a woman").  NXT was (is) pretty bad, ostensibly they have a "season" where the developmental prospects are put through challenges (lift this heavy thing - do these laps around the ring - cut a promo from a word you draw out of a hat.  Sing that if you would, just like I'm doing in my head - it could be a square dance lyric.  Bow to your partner.  Bow to your left hand lady) that lead to the selection of one who is offered a contract.  The star in the first season was Bryan Danielson, who I've been mentioning for about a decade as an all time great wrestler; similar to the way I talked to you about Benoit and Eddy as they made their way through the ranks.  If I was picking one guy, out of everyone in the world, to start my wrestling company, it would be Danielson.  Even in the world that actually exists, as opposed to the one I see in my fever dreams, there's no reason why they couldn't bring Danielson back Sunday, put him over - and build him to be in the main event of WM 27 and have it do every dollar as well as if it was anyone else on the roster. 

Of course, what they did with him on NXT was beat him in every match and have Michael Cole insult him repeatedly from the announce for being a creation of internet hype.  'Cause it's WWF and that's how they get down.  I finally understand that He Hate Me jersey. 

By the end, however, they had salvaged a really fresh feeling storyline pitting Danielson against the WWF structure - and from that came the whole group invading RAW - wiping out Cena and all the ringside personnel. 

Danielson, unfortunately, got legit. fired as a result of the invasion for being excessively violent. 

That seems like a work, I know - they script an invasion that is designed, specifically, to feel different than the rest of the programming - and when it does, they fire a guy (who happens to be the best wrestler in the hemisphere, and one of the greatest workers who ever lived) for it. 

But that's WWF.  And that same managerial style could now be headed to the US Senate.

Anyway - the storyline continued, with Nexus attacking heels and faces alike, and now we have an elimination match to settle things. 

Cena remains the top guy in the company; with or without the belt, he is, maybe more than ever before now that Michaels has retired, Batista's deal expired, Undertaker's hurt, none of the McMahons have a presence as TV characters, and Hunter left to shoot a film and then got injured while away - Cena is clearly the dominant face of the company.  Bret didn't leave after Mania - he became the GM - but was wiped out by Nexus (the GM is now a mystery, he sends Michael Cole emails - it's a little worse than silly) and has just returned to join the team.  Killings and Morrison are babyface allies - but Morrison's grown a beard in recent weeks and bearded men are not to be trusted.   Edge turned heel after WM, he and Jericho are reluctant "we don't want to team with a bunch of faces, with their butter soft lips and farmer's tans, but we sure do hate the Nexus" heels.  The 7th guy was originally Great Khali, he's out in an injury angle (pulled his suck muscle, he's in serious but stable condition) so they have a mystery partner who is teased to be the Miz, who is currently getting pushed.  Meanwhile, Coral works at Chick Fil A. 

None of the Nexus guys is worthy of being in a Summer Slam main event - which is the wrinkle in what is otherwise both a good idea that has largely been well executed.  Gabriel is the best worker, Barrett the best talker, Otunga is married to Jennifer Hudson (she's the one who won the Oscar, Fantasia's the one who tried to kill herself.  Update your records.)  But none of them is really positioned to stand out at this level - and none is a good enough worker to interest me.  I assume the heels win to continue the program.

WWE Championship Match:
Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton

-When we last left off, Cena took the RAW strap at 26 from Batista - but he dropped to Sheamus at the June PPV, it's his second run with the belt.  Orton remains a babyface, he won a good 3 way against Jericho/Edge to get the number one contender slot - there's a no outside interference stip - as Nexus has interfered to aid Sheamus in the past (teasing his joining them - but it felt more like a swerve or that they had yet to decide what they were doing) and there's an Orton doesn't get another shot if he loses stip.  I'll say they switch to Orton as I have the heels winning the big match.  It could be okay - Orton's style has moved from methodical to occasionally coma inducing - Sheamus isn't bad at working WWE style.  I don't hate this match. 

World Heavyweight Championship Match:
Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio

-I do hate any match with Kane. 

When we left off, Jericho was the Smackdown champ - but he dropped to Jack Swagger, who dropped to Mysterio, who dropped to a heel turning Kane.  Kane's RAW championship was a dozen years ago - the span between the two runs longer than the distance between Backlund losing to Hogan and then retaking the strap in his heel run in the 90s.  Counterfactual Mr. Backlund was funny.  I had him yelling Semper Fi and screaming about the Tojos.  The storyline is Kane apparently put the Undertaker in a "vegetative state" - he's been down most of the summer after breaking an orbital bone in a match against Rey.  Rey beat Swagger to get this shot.  Kane probably keeps, we've got to do the feud with he and the Undertaker that I can skip.  I'm thinking that Undertaker's turning out to be alive is part of their long right wing plan to juice up the Terry Schiavo case again.  "She could have been just fine!  The Undertaker came back to life!  Terry Schiavo could have gone on to face Ezekial Jackson at Wrestlemania!"  No truth to the rumors that Linda has been in a persistant vegetative state since 1977.

WWE Intercontinental Title Match:
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Kofi Kingston (Possible additions: Christian, McIntyre, Cody, Matt)

-They're making this match this week in the go home Smackdown. Drew McIntyre was IC Champ when last we left - he was stripped and reinstated - then dropped to the interim champ, Kofi Kingston - who then dropped to Ziggler, who is currently managed by, and probably storyline dating Eddy's widow Vicki.  This is a good enough match on its own (although it wouldn't be given any time - Smackdown is the extra bastard child now) as both Ziggler and Kingston are good looking young wrestlers.  One advertisement had the other four guys (Christian, still a face but maybe kinda turning - the heel McIntyre, heel Rhodes now doing a "don't hit my face" gimmick, and Matt) joining the match.  This becomes the most important match to me for Counterfactual purposes.  And what's more important than that, really?  A Jewish homeland?  A safe and secure Jewish homeland?  Is that your suggestion?  Your priorities are askew, let me suggest.

3-on-1 Handicap Match:
Big Show vs. The Straight Edge Society (CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury)

-Punk's feud with Rey was truncated - Punk's losing a headhaving stip - he then took to wearing a mask, which wound up being removed by the Show, and here we are.  Punk injured his arm at some point over the summer, presumably banging one of the divas (you're supposed to work from the trunk when you bang; really let your P90X crafted core do most of the work; I read that in one of those Robert Fulgham books) which has meant his lackeys are carrying the ball in the ring with this program.  He's scheduled to work - could be that he's healthy enough to now do so or they'll protect him.  I don't know.  This isn't really designed to be much of a match, hopefully they'll move Punk away from this program soon.  Smackdown looks bleak sometimes.  Like a mall no one goes to anymore. 

A Women's Match I Won't Watch.

That's the show.  Doesn't really look promising from a work perspective - the elimination match probably winds up being the best match on the show, and if it's a penny above 3 1/2 stars I'd be surprised.  I wouldn't look for anything to crack the following list:

Top 10 Summer Slam Matches of All Time


1. Bret d. Owen  (94) 32 min 4 3/4 stars

2. DBS d. Bret (92) 25:30 min. 4 3/4 stars

3. Edge/Christian d. Hardys/Dudleys  (00) 15 min. 4 1/2 stars

4. HBK d. Razor (95) 25 min 4 1/2 stars

5. Punk d. Jeff (09) 19:30 min 4 1/4 stars

6. Bret Hart d. Mr. Perfect (91) 18 min 4 1/4 stars

7. Undertaker d. Edge  (08) 26:30 4 stars

8. Brainbusters d. Hart Foundation  (89) 16:30 4 stars

9. Benoit v. Jericho (00) 13 min 4 stars

10. Shawn Michaels d. Vader  (96) 29 min 4 stars

And that's our preview.  Summer Slam 2010.