1995
Tony Dumas’s nickname is apparently The Rocket.
Yes, a Tony Dumas reference is how we're starting this installment.
’95 smartly set up a showdown between the previous two
winners, Harold Miner and JR Rider – first round is a 90 second “program” where
you can dunk multiple times and get one score, Doug Collins says the dunkers
who bounce the ball don’t get high scores.
Bob Neal says it’s like a skating program – so look for a lot of references to
Schindler’s List.
Tim Perry does a lot of bending at the waist in a lethargic performance,
“He done” Charles tells us.
“Here’s Jamie Watson’s appearance on national television” –
Neal.
“The stars have a tendency to bring a little more energy” –
Collins.
Watson, a non-star, does a great up and under one hand and
gets jobbed by the judges, presumably for a lack of energy.
“Tony Dumas has been practicing a dunk, he’s kept it secret,
he only told me” – Neal, with curious pride.
More body language/energy bullshit. The announce table is super amped up about
Dumas and the great energy he’ll bring.
He misses every single attempt and sits.
Body language was great though. Like the anti-Eli.
No one’s called Miner Baby Jordan yet. Collins promises “sweet dunks”.
Collins dismisses Miner, “here’s another one
of those bounce dunks” right before a great two handed slam –
Neal calls on
Barkley sitting in Millionaire’s Row, he doesn’t respond. Chuck enjoys All-Star Weekend.
Collins likes Antonio Harvey’s energy. He only makes two dunks and gets eliminated.
Gary Payton has one #20 earring. Rider is now Isaiah, by the way. That should solve all of his issues going
forward.
60 second routine here in the finals. Watson only gets one dunk and is out.
Here’s the showdown:
Rider couldn’t hit his baseline dunk
and it weirdly deflated his score; I guess Miner’s
routine was better, fewer misses – Rider’s one armed dunk in the finals was the
best dunk overall.
1996
Clyde Drexler didn’t kill any of his kids, right? That’s something I’m remembering weirdly.
Doug Christie’s in this competition until his wife comes to
get him in the middle of his routine.
Dave Cowens is a judge.
Let’s roll the spectacular dunks from his career.
Dick Stockton is your lead announcer. Looks like same rules – 90 second program,
you need to hit 3 dunks. Brent Barry hits the statue
of liberty – he probably doesn't need it, but then he does the foul line dunk,
Barry hits 4 dunks in round one. Barry
gets jobbed, only 45 points, despite doing both the Erving and the
Stansbury.
Darrell Armstrong was a Spanish League All Star last year –
Shaq’s in a t-shirt, apparently this is the point in the decade where we lose
the Arsenio suits. Christie tries to
kick the ball over his head. Grant Hill
pulled out with injury. Shocking.
Michael Finley has a really good 90 seconds, hits the ‘Nique
one armed dunk from the side. Stockton
calls Brent his brother’s name. Greg
Minor is the third in the finals. They
changed the finals, this isn’t a routine, just two dunks. Everyone misses the first dunk. No one complains about the ball bounce
dunks. Sad.
Finley bounces the ball, windmills. Nice.
Barry does the foul line again to win the competition. It’s the best dunk of an okayish night – he
brings up his legs after the jump for a good aerial. Brent complains to Sager they wouldn’t let him play his
music. Apple doesn't far from the tree.
1997
They killed off the dunks for the rest of the decade after
this contest. Let’s take a look.
Lisa Leslie becomes first ever lady dunk judge, says Bob
Neal. Martina sits at home angrily.
KG is yelling at Chris Carr, KG’s a pain in the ass. They took away the clock this year. Can’t imagine that will lead to issues. Darvin Ham turns toward the basket – Darvin
Ham turns toward the basket, he turns the wrong way – there will not be a
better dunk all night. Best dunk since
’94. Best day of Darvin Ham's life. Darvin went ham all over that dunk.
We got Hall of Famers – Ray Allen's here. God damn, did you people see that Darvin Ham
dunk? He only got a 35, that’s
bananas. Kobe’s here. 18 year old rookie. Fans chanting Kobe. Warrior fans eagerly
await the appearance of Todd Fuller.
Reggie Theus says Bobby Sura has to show him something. Sounds somewhat threatening. Finley’s one arm from the baseline is the
second best dunk so far – it was a far better round that either the judges or
the announces gave credit for. Darvin
Ham is bounced – such a good dunk.
Kobe’s first dunk in the finals goes between the legs, it’s
terrific. Neal calls them
“dunksters”. Finley misses a cartwheel
dunk. Kobe’s the winner, had the second
best dunk.
Best five dunks – 1990s:
1. JR Rider 1994,
finals
2. Harold Miner 1993,
finals
3. Darvin Ham, 1997
round one
4. Harold Miner 1993,
first round
5. Kobe Bryant, 1997
finals
2000
From Oakland.
It begins again.
TMac opens with the dreaded bounce dunk, and he nails it, two
hands.
Electronic scoring as opposed to the cards – a “jumpmeter”
to measure how high each contestant jumps (privileging the smaller dunkers?) is
debuted.
VC says he has four brand new dunks. Dude called his shot. Round One - Reverse 360. Like the Ham dunk but all the way around and
with power. Might be the best contest
dunk to that date (sorry to the sportswriters who think the dunk contest should
have stopped with MJ)
Stackhouse has a terrific dunk. Doesn’t matter this year.
Kenny Smith, announcing from the judges table, wants to see
more backup point guards used to feed the dunkers. Class consciousness from the Jet.
TMac just rips through a second power dunk in round two,
like Kemp. Stevie Francis is the best
little man dunker to date, like Spud with real hops. Pick any little man year, Webb/Brown – anyone
you want, Francis is much, much better.
VC comes from behind the backboard with tremendous
athleticism. Sure is a ton of athletic
brilliance – combinations of speed and power.
Just pure, raw athletic explosion.
Sort of reminiscent of McGwire in that home run derby. Wait a minute…
TMac kills round 3.
Then VC goes between the legs. I think
I prefer the round 1 dunk, but this was a full on topping of JR Rider. VC isn’t just putting on the best contest
performance ever, he’s burning the print.
TMac has a terrific power night, like a consistent
Kemp. VC puts his arm through the hoop
for his fourth dunk.
VC 1, VC3, SF2 – those are your 3 best dunks of the night.
2001
Hey, it’s Marv.
Finally, we get a graphic for each judge’s score.
Corey Maggette does a front flip. It’s Finley’s cartwheel come to life.
Jonathan Bender hits a foul line dunk with the left hand,
but the hangover from the year before just casts too big a shadow.
In all
honesty I haven’t even thought about it.
Yeah, I get those urges. Right
now, I can’t say that I will. That’s MJ, giving 3 different answers to the question
of returning to play in one breath.
Mike Fratello reasonably asks if Baron Davis should get
extra credit for a video camera held by David Wesley. Apparently he did, only Danny Ainge gave him
a 9, the rest were tens. Kenny’s back
with his complaint from the year before “I would use Travis Best to be my
passer.”
Desmond Mason catches Rashard Lewis, who reasonably covered
his face, in a leap over. Ainge
correctly notes that it was better than Davis’s dunk despite the rest of the
scoring. Ashton Kutcher gave DeShawn
Stevenson a 10. Who would know a dime
better than Ashton?
Mason hits a one armed power shot in the finals. He’s going to win, so this might be the most
lackluster contest yet.
2002
The format here is one on one challenges, Mason, the champ
taking on JRich to start.
Richardson hits a powerful 360 to open it up. The internet gets a vote, as the dunks get
crowd sourced.
The announcers can maybe be heard in the arena, there’s
reverb.
Now it’s spin the wheel, make the deal. Tweaks!
JRich kills Nique’s tomahawk dunk to bounce Mason.
Gerald Wallace and Stevie Francis is the other matchup. Third year in a row, Kenny wants to see
better passers for the teammate dunks “Chris Webber? Why not get Mike Bibby out here?”
Wallace does an okay version of the foul line dunk, JRich
can’t do it at all. Wallace needs just a
43 to win, does a version of VC’s arm through the hoop that is okayish. JRich needs a 45, he loses the handle on the
first dunk but gets it again. He hits a
reverse with two hands and wins it.
JRich 4, JRich 1, JRich 2.
That’s the night.
2003
Magic says we’ve been missing guys who can fly in the slam
dunk contest.
The contestants are JRich, who won a year ago. DMason, who won two years ago and was in the
previous year’s contest and Richard Jefferson and Amare. What the hell is Magic talking about?
Magic says Spud was the best little man dunker ever. Nope.
Francis.
Barkley’s lost his voice. Loves him some All Star Weekend.
Barkley says guys have already done every dunk possible.
MJ is wearing a beret.
JRich is the new Nique – if VC is a better Jordan JRich is a
better Nique. He hits two violent dunks to take on Mason, again, this time in
the finals. VC and JRich are the two greatest contest dunkers of all time.
DMason does that VC adaptation of JR Rider’s dunk, but does it backward. Best dunk of the year. Best dunk since VC’s first dunk.
Magic says it’s the first time he’s seen the crowd react in
the five years of coming here – VC was three years ago.
JRich needs a 49 to win.
He goes between the legs with his back to the basket.
The last two dunks – never been done. done.
JRich 4, DM – 3, It’s
Richardson’s best dunk yet. The announce tells us the dunks are back!
2004
No one has won 3 dunk contests.
All Lakers at the judge’s table. Kareem, Magic, Nixon, Wilkes, Worthy.
Mike and Tom Eat Snacks is in attendance. Barkley says
Kareem should have an NBA job, Magic agrees.
Nicholson likes Birdman Andersen’s hair.
JRich adds an off glass component to his between the legs
repertoire. It’s his new second best
dunk.
JRich misses his final dunk and loses to Fred Jones.
JRich 4 2003, JRich 1 2004, JRich 4 – 2002
Top Five dunks – First
half of the decade
1. VC 1st dunk, 2000
2. JRich 4th dunk 2003
3. Mason 3rd dunk, 2003
4. JRich 1st dunk, 2004
5. VC 3rd dunk, 2000
2005
Magic picks JR Smith, then of the Hornets. Then of New Orleans. He hits Young Ewing’s college behind the back
dunk –not as good, but still it’s awesome.
10.
Barkley picked Josh Smith.
Hits the foul line dunk, he’s furthest below of any of the recent
contestants.
This is the year Birdman, still without all the tattoos,
missed a hundred dunks. All but one edited out.
That should have been the whole half hour package, just Andersen missing
dunks, then getting tattoos, then downloading child porn.
Josh Smith hits a jump over the teammate dunk with the left
hand. Sweeeeet.
Amare hits Nash’s header dunk. Magic yells, the dunk contest is back.
JSmith then hits a ‘Nique dunk wearing a Nique jersey. Take out the misses and it’s a heckuva show.
30 minutes.
Everything should just be 30 minutes.
All games, award shows, graduation ceremonies – if none of your
obligations were longer than 30 minutes the quality of your life improves wildly.
Amare hits a nice backward between the legs dunk that is
hurt by the misses.
Josh Smith’s 4th dunk is the best, rotation left
hand – terrific.
Josh4, JR1, Josh 2,
Josh 3
2006
Let’s see if L’il Nate deserved this one.
JSmith hits the best foul line dunk since Barry.
Iguodala from under the basket, almost hitting his head on
the back of the backboard. Magic says
it’s a slam dunk contest again. Finally!
Nate’s second is better than his first.
Iguodala’s first finals dunk is the second best dunk. There’s an albino in the house.
Nate jumps over Spud – he’s been good, not close to
Iguodala.
Barkley gets it right that Iguodala was better – but it’s a
dunk off, first time ever.
Iguodala’s between the legs backward dunk is also really
good. Moses gives Nate a dunkoff 8, which is right. His dunks are all better
than Nate’s.
AI 1, AI 4, AI3
2007
Time limits.
Barkley says Danny Ainge has turned the Celtics into the
Clippers. Anything was not possible in
2007.
Gerald Green off the pass from Pierce is strong.
Dwight Howard hits a monster one arm. Green’s was better.
Little Nate’s a Knick now, hits his best ever contest dunk –
I’ll say that’s a better dunk than Green’s.
Barkley calls him a midget.
Tyrus Thomas’s second dunk goes over a teammate, with a left
hand, tearing down the net – it’s the new best dunk of the night despite
getting no interest from judges.
Kenny says he didn’t sell it enough, which is true, but
shouldn’t impact the announcers if they recognize it.
They’re discussing who the best dunker is –
no mention of Richardson, they hit Erving, Nique, Jordan, and VC.
Howard does the sticker dunk. Judges totally screw him. Best dunk of night. Announce table correctly
unfolds into an understanding of how good the dunk was. Nate’s second is almost as good as his first,
he’s far better this year. Announcers
correctly still talking about Howard, that’s not a bad measure of a good dunk,
sometimes evolution takes awhile to appreciate.
Magic wants to say the dunks are back – but recalls he said
that last year, so he says he really means it this year.
Green does the arm over the face dunk while jumping over
Nate. New second best dunk.
Lots of good dunks in 07.
Howard doesn’t make it to finals.
DH2, GG2, TT2 That’s
the list.
Nate takes 10 attempts to make his second finals dunk.
Green brings out a table and the announce is uncertain if
props are allowed. The excitement is
back, Magic says.
2008
Jamario Moon has splashed on the NBA scene Kevin Harlan
tells us.
Howard does his behind the backboard dunk.
Magic says remember when we said it was back – it’s back
right now.
Gerald Green hits the cupcake dunk. Awesome. My favorite of the prop dunks to this date
Howard does the Superman dunk. Shaq begins killing him; six years later, he
hasn’t stopped.
Not as good as the sticker.
Third best of night.
Green through the legs, power dunk, super. Howard hits the punch dunk in the finals –
he’s just hitting Green hard – that’s better than the Superman. Better than the
sticker.
Kenny says Howard has two of the five best dunks ever. Green hits a dunk without shoes, which is
madness. Green’s killing it.
GG1, DH3, DH1, DH2
Green is monster underrated.
Magic says dunks get better and better.
2009
JR Smith returns, what’s the longest time between contest
appearances?
Rudy Martin was the first Spanish player in NBA, he died in
car accident and his jersey’s worn by Rudy Fernandez – but no one told the
announcers so they clown him “Martin from the show Martin?” says Reggie. Production had the graphic ready, so it wasn’t
a surprise – and when they put it up it’s the most awkward moment in contest
history.
Reggie says if Lebron wants to get to the next level he’s
got to be in the contest.
Nope. No, he does
not.
Howard brings out the phone booth. Hits 12 foot dunk.
Kenny announces LeBron is entering the 2010 contest. Looking forward to those highlights. Must have been great.
Howard throws it off the side – dunk of the night.
Reggie – “look how hard it is” – then everyone grunts.
Nate jumps over Howard.
We’ve got Obama as President we finally got Lebron James in
the dunk contest – Reggie. No. No we don’t.
A good, not great night. Nate robs Howard. The best decade ever, by a large, large margin, for the dunk contest comes to an end.
Best five dunks of
second half of decade.
1. Green – cupcake ‘08
2. Howard – the punch ‘08
3. Howard – sticker ‘07
4. Green – Dee Brown jumping over Nate ‘07
5. Howard – behind the backboard – ‘08
