The Weekly Tendown December 25-31 2011. Happy Newdown.

Dear Internet:



Last night, after midnight in Times Square CeeLo Green sang "Imagine."

Kinda.

As opposed to "and no religion to" the lyric became "and all religion is true."

I've thought for years "Imagine" had weirdly penetrated culture given the anti-establishment message, that it was the musical equivalent of Muhammad Ali, effectively neutered by commodification; once 7th grade choirs start singing about a world without personal property or national boundaries, its unclear what power is left in those words.

But I was a little startled by this; I didn't know that level of message change was fair game.

Consider CeeLo Green as Hamlet:

To be or not to be.


That's a pretty good question, I guess, but there are other questions one could ask.  What would you do for a Klondike Bar is a helluva question.  Especially the new Caramel Pretzel flavor.  I'd avenge your father's murder for one of those bad boys..  Now where's this Ophelia everyone's talking about?  The Prince of Denmark likes him some spooky chicks.  Enough of this melancholia crap; let's call Rosencrantz and Blake Shelton and get freaky Elizabethan style.  


Its Tendown 108.  107 is here.

1. Week 17
The most important game for me today?

Colts/Jaguars.

As I've written, I'm of a mind that Andrew Luck is Peyton Manning, or rather, if I had to pick one quarterback since Peyton Manning to put the full value of my franchise behind, it would be Luck.  I felt strongly enough about it that in my pre-season NFL preview (where I suggested a Manning-less season would mean the Colts would have the top pick) I offered that given a choice between 0-16 and a guaranteed Luck vs. losing in the NFC Championship game, I'd take the former.

By the time you read this, the 49ers will have beaten the Rams to finish 13-3 and earn the second seed in the NFC playoffs.  We may lose our opener to the Saints (who will probably be favored) but if seed holds we will, in fact, be losing the NFC Championship game.

And it's a legitimate 13 win team, our pythag is going to wind up at about 12-4, which would place this 49er team just outside the ten best Niner teams of all time.  We're just not as good as Green Bay.

It's worth revisiting the 0-16 vs. NFC Title losers today given that who we're playing is the Rams, as it forces a tougher present choice: do we want to win today?

A win gets us the second seed, second seeds have significantly higher likelihoods of advancing to the Super Bowl than do third seeds.  You want that extra chance.

A win means the Rams lose.  And if the Rams lose...and the Colts win...then Andrew Luck hits our division for the next 15 years.

The "guaranteed top pick" vs. "guaranteed title game loss" scenario is too easy, because as you lose game after game, you aren't guaranteed the top pick, just guaranteed a bad season - and when you get to the title game, you aren't guaranteed to lose, in fact, it might go the other way; as you approach each Sunday, deciding "should we win or lose" is trickier than the artificial construct posed in preseason.

So today, you want to win.  Even though a win still does not make it likely that we do any better than losing the NFC Title game.  Even though, in a curious twist, a win might mean Luck is beating us for years to come.

Go Jags.  Seriously.  Go Jags.

2. Football Freakonomics
Stephen Dubner's done pieces for NFL.com, they're rudimentary if you have any exposure to advanced football metrics, but they aren't wrongheaded.  It's here.

3. Why Did No One Tell Me About This?
You need to be watching Billy on the Street.  I'm disappointed that no one brought this to my attention before this week.

Here's the NYTimes review.
Here's the Youtube channel.  GET THE MEAT OUT OF THE DOG'S MOUTH!
Here's Billy Eichner on Funny or Die.

I've been walking around all weekend randomly yelling "Rooney Mara" with an insistent desperation to anyone in my path.  Billy Eichner is who you should be watching in 2012.

4. What You Should Have Watched in 2011

That's Liza with a Z singing to Paula Deen's chicken.  Earlier in the show, Paula remarked that she and Liza had a lot in common, my biggest laugh out loud moment of 2012.  Perhaps she meant a shared Vicodin habit.

The best film I saw in 2011 (with the caveat that I have seen relatively few) was Bill Cunningham New York; it's on Netflix streaming.  Consider AO Scott's 10 best movie list which can be found at the end of this piece.

The best television series of 2011 was Breaking Bad, with Mad Men on the shelf there's not a close second; 2011 is the year I began watching Big Brother UK, not as good a game as the US version, but a significantly better television show.  My Big Brother study reached unsettling levels in 2011, not only did I watch the US version, the US after dark version, the UK celebrity version, the UK general version, but now I'm watching the full UK 2008 season, as I'm unaware how it turns out (but my bet's on Mikey).  I recognize now I'm talking to the smallest possible audience, people who care enough about Big Brother UK to read this paragraph but don't care so much that they already know who won the 2008 season.  It would be like someone saying "I'm just now getting to that Phillies/Rays World Series, don't tell me how it turns out."

But that is what I'm saying, yes.  I don't know how it turns out.  So don't tell me.

5. While You're Looking at Top 10 Lists
There's a page devoted to them.

You can also see this compilation of the best viral videos of the year.

And this compilation of video moments from our friends, the Republicans.

My best addition to the year end lists would be this work in progress of the best professional wrestling matches of 2011; I have 3 significant matches left to watch, I'll get them early in the week, and then I'll largely make up some order for the best MOTY.

6. Hey, Look What's Happening Next Year
Van Halen, with Dave, is going on the road.

There's some space for a Van Halen revival, I think.  They should think about taking Sammy also.  And what they really need to think about is having some type of presence on these network singing contest shows; I can't recall hearing a VH song ever performed on Idol, for example, so my assumption is they haven't provided clearance.  Which is fine, particularly if you don't want CeeLo to sing I got it bad/so bad/I learn from teacher, but doesn't help you on ITunes.

7. The All Williams Starting Five


Take a look at the bottom of the New Jersey Nets roster.

They have 4 guys named Williams.  An off guard and they can put an all Williams five on the floor.  Reggie is sitting at home rehabbing an injury, perhaps a deal can be made with Charlotte.

The Shawne/Sheldon thing is weird, given their similar first initials, that they're on the same team (playing the same position essentially) means you need their full names to distinguish them, and last year, they both played for the Knicks.  I'm not entirely convinced they are different people.

8. Top 5 Williams' Of All Time:


1. Tennessee


2. William Appleman


3. Ted


4. Roger


5. Michelle


9. WWF Divas
You think the Rock has done well with his post-WWF career?

How about the WWF Divas from the same era?  First Keibler bagged Clooney and now Torrie Wilson is banging ARod.

I wonder if Trish is questioning her choice of husband.  She could have held out for Rafael Nadal or that one dude from How to Make it in America.

This is exactly why a year ago I coined The Jannetty.  Torrie was married to Billy Kidman.  He's the Jannetty. She wins the breakup.  Keibler used to sleep with Test.  She's with Clooney; Test is, well, not.

10. This Week from Mitt Romney
And if I'm elected class President, we'll ban pop quizzes and the students will take over the teachers' lounge!

That's all for this time.  I'll be back next time...if there is a next time...

Your pal,

Jim

Prime 9 - Second Basemen. The 9 Greatest Second Basemen of All Time

MLB has a Prime 9 series in which it ranks the top 9 players at each position.  Second base was today.  Here's my list in comparison to that list. My ranking of the 200 greatest players in history is here.

MLB Network List:

1. Hornsby
2. Collins
3. Morgan
4. Lajoie
5. Carew
6. Gehringer
7. Alomar
8. Sandberg
9. Grich

-I was prepared to yell about Grich not being included - and then he led off the show.  They set a 1000 game minimum for positional inclusion, which is reasonable and why Robinson isn't on the list.  Here's my list.

1. Hornsby
2. Lajoie
3. Collins
4. Morgan

I don't think it's particularly close between Hornsby and the other three (his OPS+ was 175) where it's really not close is between these four and everyone else; I don't know if anyone has anyone else in a top four second basemen ever group.

5. Robinson
6. Grich
7. Gehringer
8. Carew
9. Gordon

If I had the same 1000 games played positional rule, my guy Kent would be number nine and everyone would slide up one to take Jackie's slot.

I Pick Every NFL Game in 2011 - Week 17

Against the spread, I'm 110-121-9, straight up I'm 165-75.

NO -7.5 Carolina(win/win)
Buff +12 NE (Pats win game)(loss/win)
Chi +1 Minn(win/win)
Mia -2.5 NYJ(loss/win)
Rams +10.5 Niners (Niners win game)(win/win)
GB +1.5 Det(win/win)
Philly -8.5 Wash(win/win)
Colts +3.5 Jags (Jax wins game)(loss/win)
Houston +3 Tenn(win/loss)
Ariz -3 Seattle(push/win)
Den -3 KC(loss/loss)
Atl -11.5 TB(win/win)
Balt -2 Cincy(win/win)
Pit -7 Cle(loss/win)
Oak -3 SD(loss/loss)
NYG -3 Dall(win/win)

9-6-1 119-127-10
13-3   178-78

The Weekly Tendown: Christmasdown: December 18-24 2011 (Tim Tebow=Jon Kitna)

Dear Internet:

A Christmas miracle.

This is Tendown 107. 106 is here.

1. 

Denver	C/ATT	YDS	AVG	TD	INT	NFL RATING
Tebow	13/30	185	6.2	1	4	35.4

After beating the Bears a couple of weeks ago, here was Tim Tebow:

"If you believe, then unbelievable things can sometimes be possible."

Some variation of that has been said by and about Tebow after each of Denver's wins.  On ESPN, on talk radio, on Fox News, on the 700 Club - some variation of the discussion that Denver wins were building a case not just for Tebow's ability to play quarterback but for the existence of a higher power. No, seriously.  Here's the general manager of the Chicago Bears - a man entrusted to make personnel decisions:

"I believe there is some divine intervention associated with what's taking place"

Here's what you won't hear after Tebow's 4 pick/2 pick 6 performance Saturday:

"Well, guess there's no God after all.  My bad, dawg."

Because that's the space Christianity has carved for it in our culture.  Last night, someone won 125 million bucks in the Powerball drawing and will honestly tell some local TV reporter that he prayed for it to happen when he bought the ticket - and that will close the local news telecast.  What won't be part of that telecast - the anchor turning to the camera to say, "I prayed too when I my bought my ticket; and so did hundreds and hundreds of thousands of other people.  We all lost. This wasn't news.  Our bad, dawg."

The Detroit Lions are about to go to the playoffs for the first time since 1999.

Which is weird, right - if you remember what happened in 2007.

The 9-7 record of 2000 was somewhat misleading. After starting out hot, winning five of their first seven games, the Lions were expected to make the playoffs. Instead, they lost three of their final four games, finished just over .500 and missed the postseason. When the team resumed play in 2001, the oozing wound tore wide open. They finished with a franchise-worst 14 losses, burned through three quarterbacks and closed the final season of the Pontiac Silverdome in less-than-memorable fashion. The Lions haven’t had a winning season since.

Tangled up in the losing environment and bad press was a team full of men bred to win. When that winning didn’t happen, men’s attitudes soured. When the attitudes soured, the team concept was all but abandoned.

“You could feel it walking into the locker room,” said Dave Wilson, the Lions chaplain of 23 years. “Nobody wanted to be there. Some guys hated each other. It was like, ‘How many more games do we have until we can get out of here and start over?’”

So much dissention created a catch 22. They couldn’t get along, so they couldn’t win. They couldn’t win because they couldn’t come to together.

“There was so much talent here my first year, but there wasn’t a team,” said Orlovsky, who was drafted by the Lions in 2005. “It was a lot more ‘me, me, me.’ There was so much of a losing concept.”

The wounded Lions weren’t fooling anybody. They were in trouble.

So what happened?

They turned to Jesus.  They signed Jon Kitna, so devout he prayed as he walked to the line of scrimmage.  They won 6 of their first 8 games in 2007.  20 teammates were said to have converted to
Christianity within a year and a half of his signing.  It was a team of overt, devout, Christians who proclaimed Kitna's returning from a concussion to be not an act of medical negligence but instead an Act of God.:

"To me, a miracle is when I can’t explain something, and there is no explanation.” Kitna said. “The doctors can’t explain it. I can’t explain it. Nobody can explain it, and you cannot convince me that God wasn’t at work there for whatever reason. I don’t know why he did it. I don’t know why that happened, but all I know is I was out of it and then ended up being totally cognizant with no issues, no symptoms whatsoever.”

Bible studies replaced that old poisonous, losing Lions attitude that had submarined them previously.  Here was Jemele Hill writing for ESPN.com:

       "it's hard not to note the impact spirituality has had on the team's incredible resurgence"

When the Lions lost 7 of their last 8 games of the season and then went winless in 2008, here's what I didn't read from Jemele Hill:

"it's hard not to note that the most publicly Christian team in the NFL is also the worst, and has suffered a collapse that rivals any in recent sports history."

A week ago, Russell's whiny nephew was eliminated in the final Redemption Island challenge in this season's Survivor when he lost a pole sitting contest to Ozzy.  I would have bet you all of the money in my bank account this would be the result - not because Ozzy is maybe the best all time Survivor challenge competitor but instead due to the conspicuous absence of prayer from that episode to that point.  If you've watched the past two seasons of Survivor you've seen the first half of the 2007 Detroit Lions season, a lot of "God's on our side and that's why we will win" talk - and if there was ever a ready made storyline, it was here - two men perched atop a pole, the one who falls - out of a million dollar game.  The cocky Ozzie who had wiped out opponent after opponent in these showdown challenges against the heavily outgunned Russell's nephew, who has only his loudly, constantly, consistently proclaimed faith to keep him on that pole.  What would the Bears general manager say about Russell's nephew's inexplicable win over Ozzie?

But no god talk at all.  Maybe for the first time in a half dozen episodes.  Huh.

I guarantee you there's footage on someone's computer of Russell's nephew and probably a few others saying, "Jesus will keep me on this pole."  I guarantee you if Russell's nephew had won - that's the storyline that would have been driven home all the way through the finale.  If you believe, then unbelievable things can sometimes be possible.

But we didn't see any of that.  Because when Jon Kitna wins 6 of 8 its because of Jesus.  And when the Lions lose 24 of 25, well, hey, look over there.  Russell's nephew fell off the pole and exited the game.  That's what's up.

If Tim Tebow, on Christmas Eve, had thrown for 4 scores instead of 4 picks, his religion is all you'd hear about on every pregame show today.  It's praying over a winning lottery ticket.  Jemele Hill probably already has the piece on her hard drive. Christianity is institutionalized confirmation bias.

And that's why, I'd suggest, I don't like Tim Tebow.

Or it could just be because he's a virgin. Either way.

2. A Better Tebow Piece
..was written by Charlie Pierce, earlier this week:

Let us be quite clear — Tim Tebow adheres to a particular form of American Protestantism. He belongs to — and proselytizes for — a splinter of a splinter, no more or less than Mitt Romney once did. This particular splinter has a long record in America of fostering anti-Enlightenment thought, retrograde social policies, and, more discreetly, religious bigotry. To call Tim Tebow a "Christian," and to leave it at that — as though there were one definition of what a "Christian" is — is to say nothing and everything at once. Roman Catholics are Christians. So are Lutherans, Episcopalians, Melkites, Maronites, and members of the Greek and Russian Orthodox faiths. You can see how insidious this is when discussion turns to the missionary work that Tebow's family has done in the Philippines. This is from the Five Priorities of the Bob Tebow ministries, regarding its work overseas:

It is the goal of the Bob Tebow Evangelistic Association to preach the gospel to every person who has never had an opportunity to hear the good news of eternal life in Jesus Christ. Most of the world's population has never once had the opportunity to hear the only true message of forgiveness of sins by faith alone, in Jesus Christ alone.

If religion comes into the public square, it is as vulnerable as any other human institution to be pelted with produce. Ignorance does not become wisdom just because you gussy it up with the Gospels.

It so happens that 95 percent of the population of the Philippines is Roman Catholic. Catholic doctrine just happens to be in conflict with what Bob Tebow and his son preach in regard to personal salvation. (To devout Catholics, for example, sins are not forgiven "by faith alone," but through the sacrament of reconciliation as administered by a priest.) Bob Tebow's goal is not to convert unbelievers. It is to supplant an existing form of Christianity. So who's the actual Christian here? This is not an idle point to be made. Down through history, millions of people have died in conflicts over what a "Christian" really is, which is what so exercised Madison, and also what brought down a lot of Hitchens' wrath upon religion in general. History says that as soon as you start talking about "the only true message" in this regard, you guarantee that, eventually, people will get slaughtered in the town square.

3. Is This Our Last Christmas?


It shows how far we've lowered the bar on what passes for non-crazy rhetoric from Republicans that Michele Bachman could say this, this week and have no one scream "what the hell is this candidate for President talking about."

If it is our last Christmas, thanks for spending it with Tendown.

4. Welcome to the War - National Rifle Association


As you know, there's a War on Christmas - and the way you tell which side someone is on is their seasonal greeting.  If they say, Merry Christmas - then they're on our side (well, your side, I'm like Tokyo Rose, clearly) but if they say "Happy Holidays" that's really secret code for " There is no Jesus and Tim Tebow isn't as good as John Skelton."

My side got an ally this week.  And they're packing.



5. #OCCUPYXMAS
Your twitter feed for the day.

6. Monica Seles' Boyfriend

Is one of the robber barons fighting against the 99% movement.

7. And The Best Tool of the Plutocracy
Is of course, the Supreme Court.

8. From Robert Reich:
This week.

today’s Tea Party is less an ideological movement than the latest incarnation of an angry white minority – predominantly Southern, and mainly rural – that has repeatedly attacked American democracy in order to get its way.

9. 2 Years, 25 Million



So, we could have not done Sanchez for Melky and instead signed Beltran for something like 2 years/25 million?

How is that not a better result?

10. Which USC Quarterback is Having a Better Christmas?


Matt Barkley?  Remaining a Trojan one more season (are we preseason number one?).

Or Mark Sanchez?


The Jets lost again Saturday.

My vote - Sanchez.  He's got better things to do than go to the playoffs.

That's all for this time.  I'll be back next time.  If there is a next time...

Your pal,

Jim

Top 100 Fantasy Basketball Rankings - 2012

I'm in 12 team, 13 man roster leagues, that means far more than 100 players will be drafted in all of my drafts - but my goal is to stay inside the top 100; in my first draft, I got 12, if I can do that again in my second, I'll be good.

I've tiered this, get anyone from the particular tier you like, as your position/category needs dictate.  I play 8 cat, 12 team leagues.

One: James, Durant
Two: Paul, Wade
Three: Curry, Westbrook, Williams
Four: Rose, Stoudemire, Love, Granger, Ellis
Five: Gasol, Anthony
Six: Howard, Nowitzki, Bryant, Gay, Wall, Ginobli, Wright, Gallinari
Seven: Rondo, Horford, Lee, Holiday, Pierce
Eight: Bosh, Nash, Lawson, Aldridge, JSmith, Garnett, Evans, Millsap
Nine: Griffin, Jefferson, Gordon, Iguodala, Martin, West, Conley, Jennings,
Ten: Blatche, Harden, Ibaka, Irving, Collison
Eleven: Bargnani, ZRandolph, Nene, Lowry, Batum, SJackson,
Twelve: Deng, Wallace, Kidd, Thomas, Brand, Noah, Duncan, Thornton, Beasley
Thirteen: Bogut, MGasol, Nelson, Cousins, Billups, Felton, Hibbert, RAllen
Fourteen: Terry, Frye, Teague, TAllen, Fields, George
Fifteen: Gortat, Scola, JJohnson, Harris, Parker, Rubio, Jack, Douglas, AJohnson,
Sixteen: Bynum, McGee, Monroe, Verejao, Boozer, Stuckey, Odom, Richardson, Ariza, Diaw, Delfino, Chandler, Augustin, BLopez