2011-2012 College Bowl Predictions

I was 86-79-4 against the spread this season.

I'll pick each game both against the number and straight up, noting if there's a difference.

New Mexico: Temple -6.5 Wyoming(win/win)
Idaho Potato: Ohio +3.5 Utah St.(win/win)
New Orleans: La-La +5 SD St (SD St wins)(win/loss)
Beef O Bradys: FIU -4 Marshall(loss/loss)
Poinsettia: La Tech +11 TCU (TCU wins)(win/win)
Las Vegas: Boise St. -13.5 ASU(win/win)
Hawaii: SMiss -6 Nevada(win/win)
Independence: UNC +5 Missouri (Missouri wins)(loss/win)
Little Caesars: WMich +2.5 Purdue(loss/loss)
Belk: Louisville +2.5 NC St(loss/loss)
Military: Toledo -3 AForce(loss/win)
Holiday: Tex -3 Cal(win/win)
Champs Sports: FSU -3 NDame(win/win)
Alamo: Baylor -9 Wash(win/win)
Armed Forces: BYU - 3 Tulsa (push/win)
New Era Pinstripe: Rutgers -2 Iowa St.(win/win)
Music City: Wake +6.5 Miss St. (Miss St wins)(win/win)
Insight: Iowa +14 Oklahoma (OU wins)(loss/win)
Meineke Car Care: A&M -9.5 Nwestern(win/win)
Sun: Geo Tech -3.5 Utah(loss/loss)
Fight Hunger: Illinois -3 UCLA(win/win)
Liberty: UC +2.5 Vandy(win/win)
Chick Fil A: Virginia +1 Auburn(loss/loss)
Ticket City: Houston -5.5 Penn St.(win/win)
Gator: Ohio St. +2 Florida(loss/loss)
Outback: Mich St. +3.5 UGA(win/win)
Cap One: SCarol -1 Neb(win/win)
Rose: Wisc +6.5 Oreg(loss/loss)
Fiesta: OKSt -3.5 Stan(loss/win)
Sugar: Mich -2 VT(win/win)
Orange: Clem -3 WVA(loss/loss)
Cotton: KSt +7 Ark(Ark wins)(loss/win)
Compass: Pitt -5.5 SMU(loss/loss)
GoDaddy: NIU +1 Ark St.win/win
BCS: LSU -1 Alabama loss/loss


ATS: 19-15-1
SU: 24-11

The Weekly Tendown Dec 4-10 2011

Dear Internet:

I'm not around.

I do bring gifts, however.  That's a celebrity skiing event from, let's say CBS, last weekend.  On the left, Terrell Owens.  On the right, Robert Kennedy, Jr.  As prophecy foretold.

This is Tendown 105.  104 is here.

1. The Essay You Give to The Republican In Your Life
It's former Bush speechwriter and professional conservative David Frum.


Conservatives have been driven to these fevered anxieties as much by their own trauma as by external events. In the aughts, Republicans held more power for longer than at any time since the twenties, yet the result was the weakest and least broadly shared economic expansion since World War II, followed by an economic crash and prolonged slump. Along the way, the GOP suffered two severe election defeats in 2006 and 2008. Imagine yourself a rank-and-file Republican in 2009: If you have not lost your job or your home, your savings have been sliced and your children cannot find work. Your retirement prospects have dimmed. Most of all, your neighbors blame you for all that has gone wrong in the country. There’s one thing you know for sure: None of this is your fault! And when the new president fails to deliver rapid recovery, he can be designated the target for everyone’s accumulated disappointment and rage. In the midst of economic wreckage, what relief to thrust all blame upon Barack Obama as the wrecker-in-chief.




The Bush years cannot be repudiated, but the memory of them can be discarded to make way for a new and more radical ideology, assembled from bits of the old GOP platform that were once sublimated by the party elites but now roam the land freely: ultralibertarianism, crank monetary theories, populist fury, and paranoid visions of a Democratic Party controlled by ACORN and the New Black Panthers. For the past three years, the media have praised the enthusiasm and energy the tea party has brought to the GOP. Yet it’s telling that that movement has failed time and again to produce even a remotely credible candidate for president. Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich: The list of tea-party candidates reads like the early history of the U.S. space program, a series of humiliating fizzles and explosions that never achieved liftoff. A political movement that never took governing seriously was exploited by a succession of political entrepreneurs uninterested in governing but all too interested in merchandising. Much as viewers tune in to American Idol to laugh at the inept, borderline dysfunctional early auditions, these tea-party champions provide a ghoulish type of news entertainment each time they reveal that they know nothing about public affairs and have never attempted to learn. But Cain’s gaffe on Libya or Perry’s brain freeze on the Department of Energy are not only indicators of bad leadership. They are indicators of a crisis of followership. The tea party never demanded knowledge or concern for governance, and so of course it never got them. 


2. How the Right Wing Machine attacks the Occupy Movement.
The five part series is here.

3. Obama Joins the 99%
Obama went to Kansas this week.  And got it right.

4. Here's Bob Reich's Analysis.

5. What's the Net Worth of the Six Walmart Heirs?
As much as the bottom 30% of Americans combined.

6. Hey, Hoops is Coming Back
But the season's already been simulated.  The finals are here.

7. I Lost the Bet
I did not believe there would be any way for Bravo to incorporate the suicide of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills husband Russell into the happiness of the Andy Cohen post show clubhouse, that it would need to be segregated from the rest of the programming and create a discord that would be breached; you can't normalize suicide enough to make it just part of the show.

I was wrong.

8. Who Should be Playing LSU in the Title Game?
The USC Trojans

9. The Pitcher the Giants Should Sign Today
Edwin Jackson

10. Thanks.

My kitten was a good friend for many, many years.

That's all for this time.  I'll see you next time.  If there is a next time.

The 200 Greatest Major League Baseball Players of All Time, 2012 Ed. 21-30

The previous ten is here.

21. Frank Robinson 1956-76 Reds/Orioles RF/LF
      106.25
      .300/.400/.578
      OPS+154
      MVPQ=1962, 1964, 1966
      PA=11,750

22. Nap Lajoie 2B 1896-16 Indians/Phillies
      105.95
      .337/.384/..549
      OPS+150
      MVPQ=1903
      Elite=1901, 1904, 1906, 1910
      PA=10,460

23. Alex Rodriguez SS/3B 1994-  Yankees/Mariners
      103.25
      .294/.382/.560
      OPS+144
      MVPQ=1996, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2007
      Elite=2000
      PA=10,630

24. Warren Spahn 1942-65 Braves LHP
      102.55
      339-238
      ERA+119
      MVPQ=1947,
      Elite: 1953
      IP: 5243

25. Mel Ott RF Giants 1926-47
      102.55
      .289/.411/.583
      OPS+155
      MVPQ=1932,
      Elite: 1938
      PA=11,330

26. Mickey Mantle CF Yankees 1951-68
      102.4
      OPS+172
      .315/.426/.604
      MVPQ=1955, 1958
      Elite: 1961
      Inner circle: 1956, 1957
      PA: 9900

27. Joe Morgan 2B Reds/Astros 1963-84
      101.55
      OPS+132
      .289/.411/.485
      MVPQ=1974, 1976
      Elite=1972, 1973
      Inner circle: 1975,
      PA=11,300

28. Cap Anson 1B 1871-97 White Stockings
      98
      OPS+142
      .318/.400/.483
      MVPQ=none
      PA=11,300

29. Randy Johnson LHP 1988-09 Mariners/DBacks
      97.65
      310-195
      ERA+136
      MVPQ=1995, 1997, 2002
      IP: 4130

30. Cal Ripken SS Orioles 1981-01
      96.4
      .278/.345/.461
      OPS+112
      MVPQ=1983,
      Inner Circle=1984, 1991
      PA: 12,900

Anson doesn't make it, despite the OPS+ he can't get by Foxx.  Lajoie/Morgan, in that order, are the new second basemen for the all time team.  ARod's the new shortstop; Ripken's career value can't get him by Vaughan, but does move him past Banks.  There's not really a meaningful difference between Robinson and Ott; I'll put them in the corners for now and Mantle's the new CF and my inclination is to say he's the best player on the list so far.  Johnson/Spahn in that order are the arms to consider from this section.  I'll slide in the Unit after Pedro; Spahn becomes the top guy for the B team.  20 guys left.

 Team One

 C Bench 
    Piazza

    
1B Pujols
     Brouthers
     

2B Lajoie
     Morgan

SS Rodriguez 
     Vaughan
      

  3B Mathews

     Boggs 
     

LF  Robinson
      Delahanty

    

CF   Mantle
       DiMaggio 
    

RF  Ott
      Ramirez 

  

 P Martinez
    Johnson(L) 
   Mathewson
    Grove (L)
    Gibson   
    Walsh

    Rivera
    Nichols

  Uti Caruthers

Team 2

C Dickey
    Carter

1B Connor 
      Foxx
     
  2B  Robinson
        Grich

      

SS Ripken
     Banks
     
3B Jones
     Brett

     
LF  Jackson
      Yastrzemski
   
CF  Hamilton
       Griffey 
    
     
RF Heilmann
      Kaline 
     
           

P Spahn(L)
   Hubbell (L)
   Clarkson
   Newhouser (L) 
   Carlton(L)
   Feller
   Halladay
   Marichal

 DH Martinez

I Pick Every NFL Game in 2011 - Week 14

I'm 88-97-7 against the spread. 131-61 straight up.

Steelers -14 Cleveland (loss/win)
Colts +16.5 Ravens (Ravens win)(win/win)
Cincy -3 Houston(loss/loss)
Jets -9 KC(win/win)
Jax +1 TB(win/win)
NO -3.5 Tenn(win/win)
Eagles +3 Mia(win/win)
NE -8 Wash(loss/win)
Atl -3 Carol(win/win)
Det -8 Minn(loss/win)
Niners -4 Ariz(loss/loss)
Den -3.5 Chi(loss/win)
GB -11 Oak(win/win)
Buff +7 SD (SD wins game)(loss/win)
Dall -3 NY(loss/loss)
Seattle -6.5 Rams(win/win)

8-8, 96-105-7
13-3, 144-64

A Repost from 2006: My Cat is My Emergency Contact

My life has changed quite a bit in the five years since I wrote the below piece, dramatic gains and losses.  My cat is no longer my emergency contact; I've been with a woman for three and a half years now, and within her multitude of good qualities is endless dependability.  There have been, unfortunately, more than a few emergencies in recent years, and she's always my first contact.

My cat's last day was yesterday; we spent over ten years together, for most, she was my best friend.  With the rush of change blending our two animal families, I sometimes felt I gave her the short end.  I hope that's not true.  She outlasted the house, the car, the game show money, most of the people, and almost the job. We watched Game 6 of the 2002 World Series together, for the love of god.  It was like being in 'Nam.  Sometimes I'd play "Goodnight Saigon" and I'd swear she gave me a knowing look.

Game 6.  We saw some things.  Some bad things.  Dusty gave Ortiz the ball back.  Scott Bleeping Speizio.  Yes we will all go down together. 

Things are either going to break one way or the other over the next few weeks; it will mean more upheaval either way, and my brain really does not do well with new.  Hopefully we ride that turn to a good place.

My cat won't be there; she put in her time.  Five years ago, she was my emergency contact:

My cat is my emergency contact.

Just let that wash over you for a second.

My cat is, in point of fact, my emergency contact. She wasn't the first choice, but the black roadie for Psychedelic Furs isn't very dependable in a crisis.

The reason I mention this is that I had a moment a few months ago when I was bathing in my own blood, and it struck me that some nurse was going to get stuck trying to get my cat to answer the phone, which is a bit of a problem considering the whole opposable thumbs debacle (put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Darwin; if, in fact, laws of natural selection require that traits necessary for species survival are propagated, why is it my kitten still can't recognize that my special "I'm bathing in my own blood" ringtone, "You Light Up My Life", means she needs to step up and bring my insurance card to the emergency room?)

You'd think the kitten would be able, even though thumbless, to manipulate my brand new Verizon chocolate LG celly: With its sleek and stylish silky-smooth slide design, the Chocolate offers a rich array of features that include V CAST Music, glowing touch-sensitive navigation keys, and a superlative music/video player (that's product placement son, or haven't you noticed that the advertising tentacles around here grow a little more every day)– and that's because she demonstrably can easily handle a 9 mm semiautomatic pistol (as it's conceivable my kitten used it to assassinate Barbara Mandrell back in 1986…and if you don't think the methamphetamine fueled sadomasochistic homicide of Barbara Mandrell is the functional equivalent of killing a head of state – say of Rwandan Prime Minister Agathe Uwilingiyimana, killed in 1994 by future CNN newsreader Soledad O' Brien – then you've never been to Nashville during the High Mandrell Holy Days, in which scores of virgins in Vince Young jerseys are swaddled, goo-goo cluster-like, in luscious caramel, smooth creamy marshmallow, fresh roasted peanuts and pure milk chocolate and set forth to sing "Sleeping Single In a Double Bed" in every church, synagogue, mosque, and pagoda in Nashville.)

If you've never been to a Tennessee pagoda, you don't know what you're missing.

But, not only does she just shrug the functional equivalent of her cat shoulders when asked to answer the phone; what I know, and that ER nurses never will, is that the cat would not step up if called upon. I mean, she'd understand she was speaking with a medical professional – but my cat is not a cat of action but a cat of thoughts – a thoughtcat, if you will, and she'd immediately vault into a discussion of sickness as less biological event and more of a social phenomenon. Historically, my cat would opine, when you consider diseases from yellow fever to heart disease to cancer to AIDS, sickness has taken place within a social context wherein the behavior of the sick was held to be transgressive. My kitten would discuss my bathing in my own blood as emblematic of my weakness of character, the ire of my disappointed ancestors as I continue to squander my limitless potential on puroresu and auto-erotic manipulation, "the body is a system of dynamic interactions with the environment, Jividen's bloodletting results from a cumulative interaction between his weak constitutional endowment and poor environmental circumstance," my kitten would say. "He gets what he deserves. If he dies…he dies. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Meow….

Meow……..

…. Meow…….

…..Meow~"


I don't really want to go into what led to the dramatic loss of blood (craniocerebral trauma caused by my 'copter getting shot down over the Sea of Japan) from that night several months ago, I'm keeping my inner architecture secret from you people, can't let you roam inside my head and all that; and it's really incidental to the point of this story, which was the revelation I had while waiting in an inner city ER at 2 in the morning on a Friday night in January…

…Oh, Oh, Oh…do you have any idea the types of people you encounter at 2 in the morning on a Friday night in January? Toddlers mauled by rhesus monkeys; Marla Maples, who has been out of public view since struck with neurofibromatosis; a reed thin African-American woman claiming to be the Maharajah of Gaipajama and demanding a soul kiss from a vending machine containing nothing but garbanzo beans, sweetbreads, half eaten Ore-Ida tater tots, and breastmilk from the still lactating corpse of Vic Tayback, tethered to the machine by a byzantine series of pulleys and levers (a joke that works much better, readers, if you pronounce lever with a long e, like "Leave it to Beaver" or "Don't Fear the Reaper.")

In fact, that's exactly what my blog needs…more cowbell.

It's my own fault, winding up in the ER on Friday night, bathed in my own blood and wondering how I got to a place in my life where the only possible call that could be made on my behalf was to a cat; truth is you're more likely to find Betty Rubble in a bottle of Flintstones chewable vitamins than I am someone in south Florida who would come to the ER to scrape me up.

And the injury, mysterious though we will leave it, was my fault as well.

I've always tended toward the clumsy. I broke my right arm in soccer practice in third grade, I tore multiple ligaments in my right ankle when I was 15 in full tilt celebration of Sugar Ray Leonard's improbable victory over Marvelous Marvin Hagler. I fractured my left kneecap taking some shrapnel while directing my third…no, fourth, Viennese snuff film in '98; my silicone ass implants, which I got when going all method during my street theater days as a Beyonce impersonator, ruptured during a particularly fevered version of "Crazy In Love" in the median of I-95 just a year and a half ago. None of that had anything to do with the revelation I had while my vital fluids were seeping from an open wound that Friday night in January – that had to do with the peculiar understanding of matters right and wrong held by those in power in the United States government.

You sure have heard, since September 11, 2001 particularly, a lot of good/evil speak emanating out of Washington.

Let's see if I have the scorecard right. Feel free to correct me:

It's wrong, apparently, to utilize warehoused embryos to conduct life saving research.

It's right, apparently, to bomb civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan.

It's wrong, apparently to sign the global emissions Kyoto protocols.

It's right, apparently, to drive cars bigger than the sky.

Tax cuts for the wealthy are right.

Increasing the minimum wage and providing health care for American children is wrong.

Warrantless wiretaps = right.

Gay marriage = wrong.

Torture = Right!

Saying "Happy Holidays" = wrong

Right: In Guantanamo: no access to lawyers, no right to face one's accuser, no learning of charges against you.

Still What's right: Wages have stalled since 2000

While: Corporate profits have doubled.

So, so right: Tax cuts sliced a few hundred dollars off the tax bills of most Americans, they saved the richest one percent more than $44,000 on average.

Couldn't be more right: Once all of the tax cuts take effect, those with incomes of more than $200,000 a year -- the richest five percent of the population -- will take almost half of the money.

Oh, wow is this right: In 1969, General Motors was the largest corporation (aside from AT&T, which held a guaranteed monopoly) in the US. GM paid its CEO a salary of $795,000 -- the equivalent of $4.2 million today.

The average paycheck for production workers in the auto industry was almost $8,000 -- more than $45,000 today. GM workers also received health and retirement benefits.

Today, Wal-Mart is America's largest corporation, with 1.3 million employees; its chairman, is paid almost $23 million. On average, Wal-Mart's non-supervisory employees are paid $18,000 a year. Benefits?

Yeah, right.

The most right thing you'll ever read: According to the Federal Bureau of Labor Statistics, the hourly wage of the average American non-supervisory worker is lower, adjusted for inflation, than it was in 1970. Meanwhile, CEO pay was less than thirty times the average wage back then …and is now almost 300 times the typical worker's pay.

Then there's 64 year old Thai Ngoc, who hasn't slept since 1973; Sanju Bhagat, whose twin brother spilled out of his stomach, having taken up residence his entire life as an unknown fetal parasite; Mehran Karimi Nasseri, who has lived at the Charles de Gaulle Airport since 1988; and Yoshiro Nakamatsu, who has photographed every single meal he has eaten for the last 34 years.

What do any of those people have to do with the ethics of the Bush Administration?

Nothing.

But, as I sat in the ER Friday night, bathed not only in my own blood but my feelings of moral righteousness -- I realized that none of those guys – not a single one of them –

…has his cat as his emergency contact.