The greatest Royal Rumble match ever took place 11 years ago when Chris Benoit went wire to wire to win the match and become number one contender.
If you're ever interviewing for a position at Titan Tower, don’t give that as your answer.
Historical accuracy isn't in the WWE business model; both given the nature of his final acts and the degree to which concussions may have played a part in their commission, there’s probably not a voice in the office suggesting that Benoit be edited back into WWE history (similarly, Dave Duerson doesn't have a prominent role in celebrations of the ’85 Bears. The NFL would rather us look at deflated footballs than its body count, understandably).
Aside from the most minor of internet cranks (hey, wait a goddarn second…) no one really cares about this; a corporation able to avoid offering health insurance to its workers through the “independent contractor” dodge can create its own historical record. As it turns out, so can movies about the civil rights movement. If you've ever taught American history you know that, at best, Lyndon Johnson is remembered for Vietnam, and now Selma’s
erroneously (well, no, it wasn't an error, it’s intentional, he’s a villain in the film) branded him as an obstacle to civil rights (sure, not as far from the mark as “I wish I could shoot everyone with a
Koran ” Chris Kyle being turned into a tormented hero, but pro-war jingo shouldn’t be the best we can do).
Now that I’ve alienated virtually everyone, let’s get to the show.
* WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Yawn Cena vs. Seth Rollins
* Royal Rumble Match
* WWE Tag Team Title Match: Miz/ Mizdow v. Usos
* The New Age Outlaws vs. The Ascension
* Womens Tag Match
Given the stipulation that the winner of the Rumble will wrestle for the title at Mania, and absent the February Elimination Chamber buffer that had the ability to alter that trajectory, we need to talk about these matches together. I think there are two likely results.
At Summer Slam,
as predicted, Brock Lesnar beat Cena to become WWE Champ and has maintained that title, largely in absentia, since then. The booking plan, again, also predicted, appeared to be Lesnar vs. Reigns at Mania, with Reigns avenging the Undertaker and sending the heel Lesnar out of town.
My suggestion is that match will still take place, but, in Scenario 1, without the WWE title.
So – who is the WWE Champion in this scenario?
I think its Rollins; he loses the fall to Cena in the main event (the only reason to put Rollins in the match is so Lesnar can drop the belt without losing a fall) an angered Lesnar destroys Cena (Lesnar seemed to be turning babyface on the go home RAW, that was smart, as the crowd is likely to cheer him regardless; were he to attack Cena postmatch, that cheering won’t stop) and Rollins recovers with the aid of the long since played out Authority to cash in his briefcase and win the belt.
Who does Rollins wrestle at Mania?
I don’t have much confidence in these predictions, but I was certain of the following in my Rumble preview
a year ago:
“there’s a Yes Chant coming, and if it’s not coming Sunday it’s coming at Wrestlemania 30”
It didn't come at last year’s Rumble – but Daniel Bryan, the most over act in the promotion, was the unquestioned star at Mania.
Wrestlemania 31 is in the San Francisco Bay Area, home of the World Champion Giants, whose rally cry throughout the 2014 season was “Yes, Yes, Yes”. Daniel Bryan appeared before a playoff game, Daniel Bryan appeared at the Giants victory parade. Perhaps even more than last year, this will be a crowd dying to chant Yes and there’s no possibility WWE doesn't let them do that. Further, Bryan's book was scheduled for a July release - it's been pushed to the week after Mania (that's a scoop! I bring you scoops! I criticize the left for enabling Selma's turning LBJ into a wrestling heel and I bring you pro graps scoops!) I am flat guaranteeing Daniel Bryan goes over in a high profile Wrestlemania match; probably for the WWE Championship
In this scenario Bryan wins the Rumble (probably the only result the Philadelphia fans will accept this weekend) and we get the Ring Of Honor title match at Wrestlemania (in a variant, they just keep the belt on Brock and Bryan beats him - it's the cleanest scenario with the biggest Mania payoff)
If Bryan loses, the only other option is Reigns winning, leading to Scenario 2 and here’s my sort of far out prediction:
Roman Reigns leaves Wrestlemania as a heel.
WWE isn’t ahistorical, it has a particularly curated narrative – one of the items the company has committed to its institutional memory is “Die, Rocky, Die” – that the Maivia Subsequently Known as The Rock was pushed down the fans throats, rejected by those fans, turned heel on those fans, and it was that turn which led to his stardom.
I think that’s the path they will walk down with Reigns; he beats Lesnar at Mania with the shocking aid of Paul Heyman. The fan reaction coming at the Rumble will be what is pointed to as the impetus for that change (maybe they plant a Die Roman Die sign) in this scenario, a Reigns win would be even more powerful to engender that fan reaction than Reigns finishing second, but they can get what they need either way. That allows them to have a new monster heel (who could benefit from a mouthpiece) as Lesnar leaves the promotion.
So, that’s what I got – the two Mania matches are Bryan/Rollins and Reigns/Lesnar, one of which is for the title. Regardless of whether it's Rollins or if he goes clean over Brock - Daniel Bryan is who comes out of Mania as the man.
Those are both probably good matches and if Bryan could, say, stay in the Rumble for a long time (Reigns eliminating him at the end after a wire to wire run would really draw a negative crowd response – don't bet wrestling, folks, but if the Rumble match is before the title match and you see Reigns go over, get in heavy on Lesnar) that could really be a terrific match.
(edit - Brock wins the three way in what will probably be the best WWE match all year I went 4 1/2 and have it the 12th best match in promotion history; Bryan was a non factor in the Rumble, the crowd, as was true a year before turned on the event, Reigns went over.)
There’s nothing else to watch on Sunday. Miz and Mizdow are tag champs (edit, as a comment has reminded me, no they aren't, they've already lost the belts to the Usos) it’s probably time for Mizdow to turn babyface; let’s say that team blows up here and loses the belts to the Usos. The Ascension was not a good act in developmental and are being positioned to be enhancement, they probably go over the Outlaws here but it’s just to set them up. The women’s match will be five minutes long. The second best wrestler (at worst) on the main roster is Cesaro, he’s going to lose a tag match on the pre-show.
(Ascension won, as did Cesaro/Kidd, the Usos, and the Bellas - I liked Cesaro/Kidd, as you'd expect; nothing else mattered).
I've seen every match in Rumble history. Here’s the list. My star ratings included for 3 stars and up matches. Times are approximate.
1. ’03 WWF Title: Kurt Angle d. Chris Benoit 20 min 5
2. ’00 WWF Title HHH d. Cactus Jack 27 min 4 ¼
3. ’01 IC Ladder: Chris Jericho d. Chris Benoit 19 min 4 ¼
4. ’04 Rumble Match: (Chris Benoit) 61:30 4
5. ’92 WWF Title: Rumble Match (Ric Flair) 62 min 4
" '14 Bray Wyatt d. Daniel Bryan 22 min 4
6. ’91 Rockers d. Orient Express 19 min 4
7. ’95 WWF Title: Diesel draw Bret Hart 27 min 4
8. ’10 Rumble Match (Edge) 49:30 3 ¾
9. ’00 Tables Hardys d. Dudleys 10:30 3 ¾
10. ’94 Tags: Quebecers d. Bret/Owen 16:30 3 ¾
11. ’04 WWF Title: HHH draw HBK 22:30 3 ¾
12. ’11 World: Edge d. Dolph Ziggler 20:30 3 ½
13. ’02 WWF Title: Chris Jericho d. Rock 19 min 3 ½
14. ’98 WWF Title: Casket Match: Shawn Michaels d. Undertaker 22 min 3 ½
15. ’07 WWF Title: Last Man Standing: John Cena d. Umaga 22:30 3 ½
16. ’99 WWF Title: I Quit Match: Rock d. Mankind 22 min 3 ½
17. ’93 WWF Title: Bret Hart d. Razor Ramon 18 min 3 ½
18. ’11 Rumble Match (Alberto del Rio) 69 min 3 ½
19. ’90 Rumble Match (Hulk Hogan) 59 min 3 ½
20. ’97 Rumble Match(Steve Austin) 50:30 3 ½
21. ’01 WWF Title: Kurt Angle d. HHH 24:30 3 ¼
22. ’13 WWF Title: Rock d. CM Punk 23:30 3 ¼
23. ’93 IC Shawn Michaels d. Marty Jannetty 14:30 3 ¼
24. ’05 Edge d. Shawn Michaels 18:30 3 ¼
25. ’09 WWF Title: Edge d. Jeff Hardy 19:30 3 ¼
26. ’12 Rumble Match (Sheamus) 55 min 3 ¼
27. ’05 Rumble Match (Batista) 51:30 3 ¼
28. ’03 Rumble Match(Brock Lesnar) 53:30 3 ¼
29. ’00 Rumble Match(Rock) 52 min 3 ¼
30. ’01 Rumble Match(Steve Austin) 62 min 3 ¼
31. ’06 Rumble Match (Rey Mysterio) 62 min 3 ¼
32. ’07 Rumble Match (Undertaker) 56:30 3 ¼
33. ’89 Rumble Match(John Studd) 64 min 3 ¼
34. ’98 Rumble Match (Steve Austin) 55:30 3 ¼
35. ’08 Rumble Match (John Cena) 51:30 3 ¼
'14 WWF Title: Randy Orton d. John Cena 21 min 3 1/4
36. ’10 World: Undertaker d. Rey Mysterio 11 min 3 ¼
37. ’11 WWF: Miz d. Randy Orton 20 min 3 ¼
38. ’05 World: HHH d. Randy Orton 21:30 3 ¼
39. ’07 Hardys d. MNM 15:30 3 ¼
40. ’12 WWF Title: CM Punk d. Dolph Ziggler 14 min 3
41. ’01 Tags: Dudleys d. Edge/Christian 10 min 3
42. ’08 WWF Title: Randy Orton d. Jeff Hardy 14 min 3
43. ’92 Owen/Anvil d. Orient Express 17 min 3
44. ’95 Tags: Bob Holly/123 Kid d. Tatanka/Bam Bam Bigelow 15:30 3
45. ’02 Rumble Match(HHH) 69:30 3
46. ’94 Rumble Match: (Bret/Lex) 55 min 3
47. ’93 Rumble Match: (Yokozuna) 66:30 3
48. ’91 Rumble Match (Hulk Hogan) 65 min 3
49. ’96 Rumble Match(Shawn Michaels) 59 min 3
50. ’99 Rumble Match (Vince McMahon) 56:30 3
52. ’95 Rumble Match (Shawn Michaels) 39 min 3
51. ’09 Rumble Match (Randy Orton) 58:30 3
'14 Rumble Match (Batista) 55 min 3
53. ’13 Rumble Match (John Cena) 55 min 3
54. ’88 Rumble Match(Jim Duggan) 33:30 3
55. ’02 IC: William Regal d. Edge 10 min 3
56. ’04 Eddy Guerrero d. Chavo Guerrero 8 min 3
57. ’13 World: Last Man Standing: Alberto del Rio d. Big Show 17 min 3
58. ’09 ECW: Jack Swagger d. Matt Hardy 10:30 3
59. ’96 Tags: Smoking Gunns d. Bodydonnas 11 min 3
60. ’03 Tags: Dudleys d. Regal/Storm 7:30 3
61. ’97 WWF Title: Shawn Michaels d. Sid 14 min 3
62. ’89 Haku d. Harley Race 9 min 3
63. ’97 IC: HHH d. Goldust 17 min 3
64. ’06 Jr.: Gregory Helms d. Kash, Funaki, Noble, Nunzio, London 7:30
65. ’88 Jumping Bomb Angels d. Glamour Girls 14 min
66. ’89 Hart Foundation/Duggan d. Dino Bravo/Rougeaus 16 min
67. ’96 WWF Title: Undertaker d. Bret Hart 29 min
68. ’08 World: Edge d. Rey Mysterio 12:30
69. ’88 Ricky Steamboat d. Rick Rude 17 min
70. ’00 Taz d. Kurt Angle 3 min
71. ’02 Ric Flair d. Vince McMahon 15 min
72. ’98 IC Rock d. Shamrock 11 min
73. ’05 WWF Title: JBL d. Big Show/Kurt Angle 12 min
74. ’06 WWF Title: John Cena d. Edge 14
75. ’97 Vader d. Undertaker 13 min
76. ’13 Tags: Hell No d. Rhodes Scholars 9:30
77. ’93 Steiners d. Beverlys 10:30
78. ’07 World: Batista d. Ken Kennedy 10:30
79. ’90 Ronny Garvin d. Greg Valentine 17 min
80. ’10 ECW: Christian d. Ezekial Jackson 12 min
81. ’88 Islanders d. Young Stallions 14 min
82. ’02 Tags: Taz/Spike Dudley d. Dudleys 5 min
83. ’12 World: Cage: Daniel Bryan d. Big Show/Mark Henry
84. ’00 IC: Chris Jericho d. Chyna d. Bob Holly 7:30
85. ’08 JBL d. Chris Jericho 9:30
86. ’10 US: Miz d. MVP 7:30
87. ’97 Garza/Aguayo/Canek d. Estrada/Metal/.Guerrera 11 min
88. ’04 WWF Title: Brock Lesnar d. Bob Holly 6:30
89. ’03 Brock Lesnar d. Big Show 6 min
90. ’99 Euro: Sean Waltman d. Gangrel 6 min
91. ’98 Vader d. Goldust 8 min
92. ’95 IC Jeff Jarrett d. Razor Ramon 18 min
93. ’99 IC: Ken Shamrock d. Billy Gunn 14:30
94. ’04 Jr. Rey Mysterio d. Jamie Noble 3:30
95. ’91 Boss Man d. Barbarian 14 min
'14 Brock Lesnar d. Big Show 2 min
96. ’92 IC: Roddy Piper d. Mountie 5:30
97. ’08 Ric Flair d. MVP 8 min
98. ’98 Mini/Mosaic/Nova d. Battalion/Torito/Tarantula 8 min
99. ’97 Ahmed Johnson d. Farooq 9 min
100. ’96 Ahmed Johnson d. Jeff Jarrett 6:30
101. ’10 WWF: Sheamus d. Randy Orton 12:30
102. ’07 ECW: Bobby Lashley d. Test 7:30
103. ’04 Tags: Evolution d. Dudleys 4:30
104. ’03 World Title: Scott Steiner d. HHH 18:30
105. ’09 World John Cena d. JBL 15:30
106. ’99 Boss Man d. Road Dogg 12 min
107. ’90 Hacksaw Duggan d. Big Boss Man 10:30
108. ’91 Ted DiBiase/Virgil d. Dusty/Dustin 10 min
109. ’00 Tags: New Age Outlaws d. Acolytes 2:30
110. ’94 Tatanka d. Bam Bam Bigelow 8
111. ’94 IC: Razor Ramon d. IRS 11:30
112. ’96 IC: Goldust d. Razor 14:30
113. ’89 Rockin Robin d. Judy Martin 6:30
114. ’11 Women: Eve d. Natalya/Layla/Michelle McCool 5 min
115. ’12 Bellas/Beth/Natalya d. Kelly/Eve/Alicia/Tamina 5:30
116. ’02 Women: Trish d. Jazz 4 min
117. ’09 Women: Melina d. Beth Phoenix 6:30
118. ’92 Tags: Natural Disasters d. LOD 9:30
119. ’98 Tags: LOD d. New Age Outlaws 8 min
120. ’91 Mountie d. Koko 9
121. ’05 Casket: Undertaker d. Heidenreich 13:30
122. ’91 WWF Title: Sgt. Slaughter d. Ultimate Warrior 12:30
123. ’06 World: Kurt Angle d. Mark Henry 9:30
124. ’93 Bam Bam Bigelow d. Big Boss Man 10 min
125. ’95 Undertaker d. IRS 12:30
126. ’01 Women: Ivory d. Chyna 3:30
127. ’99 Women: Sable d. Luna 4:30
128. ’12 Brodus Clay d. Drew McIntyre 1 min
129. ’06 Boogeyman d. JBL 2 min
130. ’90 Bushwackers d. Rougeaus 13:30
131. ’12 John Cena draw Kane 11
132. ’90 Brutus Beefcake draw Lanny Poffo 11 min
133. ’92 Beverlys d. Bushwackers 15 min
134. ’10 Women: Mickie James d. Michelle McCool :30
135. ’03 Torrie Wilson d. Dawn Marie 3:30
136. ’06 Women: Mickey James d. Ashley 7:30
137. ’94 WWF Title: Yokozuna d. Undertaker 14:30
