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1st and Ten: The Weekly Tendown: BizarroDown January 17-23, 2010

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Dear Internet,

This is Issue 11 of the Weekly Tendown, my look at the best cultural happenings of the previous 7 days; Last Week, I talked about Late Night Wars 2.0, a four year old named Tater Tot kicked out of public school due to the length of his hair, a guy collecting Jerry Maguire VHS tapes, and Marvin Harrison, Colt-faced killa. 

This week....well, here's the thing.

I've had a crappy week.  And in truth, I'm a bit of a misanthrope.  I don't like people, places, or things.  Nouns, basically.  I'm not a fan of nouns.  I'm fat, old, and grumpy and these characteristics could have been applied to me since I was eight years old.  So that I went 10 weeks writing a Sunday blog centered around all the really superkeen things that happened over the week previous represents a burst of optimism that I would probably credit to pharmaceutic, if, in fact, I was taking anything (you holding?  who's holding?).

So this week, we flip the script ('cause like every 39 year old white guy I use hip hop lingo from 2002 in my attempt to stay culturally relevant) and offer for you the very worst things that happened over the past seven days.

It's Bizarro Tendown.  BizarroDown!


First:  The End of the Republic




So, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 this week to eliminate a huge chunk of the limits on the ability of corporations to make campaign contributions. Olbermann, a little hyperbolically, compared the decision to Dred Scott.  The music of Olbermann's comment is going to drown out the lyrics; in the way that you really can't compare a current action to the Holocaust, slavery is just a club modern day political commentators need to leave in their bags.  But the point shouldn't be lost - there's a good argument that Dred Scott was correctly decided, meaning that as strictly an academic matter of legal interpretation, one could construct a Constitutional reading without too much trouble that would support the Court's conclusion that slaves (current or former or future) were definitionally without legal standing; the tragedy was less the intellectual bankruptcy of that analysis and more that the United States couldn't exist as a political structure going forward with that analysis as the law of the land.  A reasonable argument to make to Chief Justice Taney would have been "you might be right as a matter of law - or at least, you're not demonstrably wrong, but if we decide that your analysis is correct, the country is going to break in two."

Which it did.

This week, the Court in Citizens United invalidated (and left open to further invalidation) a huge percentage of the legislative scheme which stems the flow of corporate money into elections as impermissible restrictions on free speech.  I would have been a dissenting vote in Dred Scott and would have been in the dissent this week as well - but there's a colorable reading of the Constitution that supports the decision.  In the pantheon of "you guys are just making this shit up" - Citizens United isn't Bush v. Gore.

What it leads to is a destructive result.  It makes the most powerful more powerful. 

Why do we go to war?  We go to war because war is profitable and corporations for whom war is profitable are able to generate ideologies to support those wars.  We moved from WWII seamlessly into the Cold War (beginning with the dropping of the Atomic Bombs in 1945) and shut up talk about a "peace dividend" (remember that?  remember the "what will we do with all the money we won't need to spend on the military now?") by invading Iraq 10 months after the Berlin Wall fell.  Two decades later - we're still there - permanently in the Middle East, with our Biblical verse stamped rifles trained on Muslim kids, wondering how it is they could possibly hate us. 

Why don't we have health care reform?  Because in 2009 the insurance and pharmaceutical industries spent 1.4 million dollars a day fighting health care reform.  When corporations control mainstream media - and a television "news" network promotes the most conservative elements of our society as "real America" and many Americans, trained for a quarter century to believe that social programs are their enemy believe that the America they've been taught to revere is under attack - what we're left with is a disinclination to vote our own best interests.  There is no sickness in our political thought so contaminating as the belief that what's best for corporate America is what's best for America.  The business of America is business Cal Coolidge once said.  We all sold our souls to the company store. 

And this decision hands the wealthiest corporations the most power.  It is a victory for Goliath.  And I believe that to be harmful.  Not Dred Scott harmful because corporations had virtually unchecked power a week ago so the qualitative difference between the world we're about to enter and the world we're leaving behind isn't as enormous as Olbermann posits.  But harmful.  And activist - oh, my god - please don't let the right make that "these liberal activist judges" argument again.  Citizens United was a decision which overturned precedent and made invalid decades of federal legislation - that doesn't make it a bad legal decision; activism, despite what you've been taught, is not inherently a bad thing - it means an unelected Court is substituting its judgment for the settled judgment of representatives accountable to the American people.  That's part of our Constitutional framework.  It shouldn't be taken lightly, but it's how the Court works and when Republicans pretend its not they are absolutely lying to you. 

It may not have been a "bad" decision on the merits.  And its harm may not reach that of Dred Scott.  But the power of "regular Americans" to impact government policy took a terrific beating this week, and the town hall outrage was nonexistent.

That was the worst thing that happened this week.  After the jump - the rest of BizarroDown.

The Conference Championships

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Colts.
Saints.

I'll revisit this at week's end, but my pick at the top of the playoffs was chalk for the SB; Colts/Saints, and I'm still there and fairly confident.  I catch a break from a rooting standpoint; I'll be solidly in the Jets/Saints camps this weekend and as long as I get one of them (and avoid the NFL dream matchup of Manning/Favre) I'll be able to watch the Super Bowl (I'd watch regardless, but I'd rather not have to root for the Colts). 

I split against the number in both rounds of the playoffs - and split, remarkably, against the number picking every game during the regular season.  Right now...right now I'm inclined to take Colts and give the 7 1/2 and take the Vikes plus the 3 1/2.  I won't do either, as mentioned, it's error to play these games.  It's also error because (here's where I make do some actual smart guy prognostication) the numbers are both going up a half point before kick.  If you want to take the Colts, you need to get them now, today, 'cause that number's gonna be 8, maybe 8 1/2 by Sunday.  If you made me, I'd give the 7 1/2, although I'd buy a half point, but I don't want the game at 8 (that's why I'm posting this Tuesday).

I like the Saints outright, but don't want to give more than the home team field goal - so at 3 1/2 I'm taking the Vikes.  But I'll edit this come Saturday to reflect the new number (I'm talking to future me - here's where you'll put the edit Sunday morning -edit, as of midday Friday that Colts number is now 8, fortunately I'm in at 7 1/2, the Saints are still holding at 3 1/2 - I'm inclined to think the Colts are going to win...say 21-6, meaning they're still the play even if you didn't read this back on Tuesday) because it's going to 4, and I'd rather take Minnesota there.

So, there you go.  Obviously I'm going to split.  Hopefully you go against me in the right direction. (edit, hey, I won 'em both.  So there's that.  I will probably pick the Colts to win and cover 44, but I'll be rooting for the Saints).

Tendown on Sunday.  Two wrestling blogs next week - my top 100 wrestlers in the world is ready to go - and I'll do a Royal Rumble preview.  I didn't get to watch any puro in the past couple of weeks, so I'm behind; I will try to jam my way through the end of 2009 before I get too far in the weeds.

1st and Ten: The Weekly Tendown, January 10-16, 2010

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Welcome to issue 10 of the Weekly Tendown, your overview of the best cultural happenings of the past seven days; Last Week, I discussed Better off Ted, strategic defaults, Goodluck Jonathan, and the return of the Hit Man, Bret Hart.  What....what do you suppose we'll talk about this week...

First: I'm With Coco




I'm not going to run counter to conventional hipster wisdom on Late Night Wars the Sequel.  It's been a blast and should remain so at least for the next week before NBC pays Conan to go away; its reductionist, but I could probably be well defined by the following: I really enjoy it when things happen; except when they're happening to me.  I'm about a decade, hell maybe two, too old - I swallow whole as much up to the minute information as I can get and let the newsy juices drip down my chin; I am well constituted for a universe in which my pants vibrate whenever AP has a breaking story. 

All of the late night shows felt like must see television last week, A couple of dozen clips are here. ('cept for Letterman, who isn't on Hulu, and that's too bad as his stuff has been excellent) and thats largely why this merits the top spot on the Tendown; as I've said before I like my television unpredictable (which is the main reason why the old Letterman show worked, it felt jagged) and from Letterman calling Jay "big jaw" to Leno responding with intern blasts to Conan foresquarely saying he's been screwed by Leno and NBC to Kimmel (in the single best spot of the week) burying Jay on Leno's own show - it was a good week.

On the merits - your job doesn't love you is the takeaway from this.  Five years ago Conan's deal was up and NBC kept him around by promising him Johnny's old show (and that's...that's the comedy takeaway from this - the thing you have to dig to find is from that letter Conan wrote this week, Conan wrote he wouldn't take part in the "destruction" of The Tonight Show - ostensibly what he was referring to was the proposal to move it to midnight after Jay went on at 11:30 - but really he was saying what comics have said about Jay for years - that Jay destroyed the Tonight Show; Jay Leno used to be funny but gave that up to pander for ratings - and despite what Triple H would have you believe, the guy with the most eyeballs on him isn't necessarily a critical success; Home Improvement and Two and a Half Men did very well commercially, but at no point did anyone outside of the production of those shows think of them as anything but pablum - we understand that the American public's artistic palate can run dumb, so dumb is what we are fed.  But Johnny's show "mattered" in that way that institutions sometimes do, which is why all the sturm and drang when Dave got moved aside in favor of Jay 17 years ago.   And now it barely matters at all, which is one of the reasons for the anger in some of blowback Jay's faced this week; Rosie O'Donnell on her radio show talked about being angry at Leno since '95; Patton Oswald compared Jay to Nixon on a podcast.  Conan doesn't just want the 11:30 slot - he wants the Tonight Show, and when he says he won't take part in its destruction, he's saying the Tonight Show as a comedy brand has been devalued by Leno even with its financial success) and when the time came to do that, instead of sending Jay on his way, NBC decided to stick him at 10:00. 

That cut Conan off at that knees, both ensuring a low rated lead in for local news (NBC knew Leno would lose badly at 10, but it was a cheap enough show to produce that it made some financial sense) which would mean a low rated lead in for Conan - but also it meant that Conan was still positioned as the number two show behind Leno.  And if The Tonight Show is the number two show on NBC, it's not really the Tonight Show anymore. 

Conan's spent the past 17 years working at a company that, this week, has an executive call him "chicken hearted and gutless".  If you're Conan, and you feel as if you've been a good company man for 17 years - earning critical acclaim and youth buzz, single handedly keeping NBC late night culturally relevant when Leno was effectively hosting CSI: The Tonight Show, staying in that 12:30 spot for five extra years with the promise of The Tonight Show, not publically complaining when your company paired your move to 11:30 with the extraordinarily destructive decision to move Leno to 10 - to now have an executive, on the record with the New York Times say that you're the failure - that you're the one who couldn't deliver when called upon - the takeaway from that has to be your job will never love you.  It will pay you (and Conan's gonna get paid) but it won't love you. 

The rest of the Tendown after the jump.

The Greatest Non Hall of Famers Ever (the Bobby Grich All Stars)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Based on my rankings of the 200 greatest major league baseball players ever, here would be the best non Hall of Famers.  I'm only including those who are eligible for the HOF already but haven't gotten in.  So no Bonds/Clemens yet.  A year from now, when we're debating the next group (Bagwell's new next year, he's inexplicably avoided all the steroid talk, we'll see if that holds) consider these thoughts.

Advanced defensive metrics continue to evolve, enough that there was a piece on espn.com this week arguing that Jeter was now the second greatest SS ever (behind Wagner, obviously - ARod was considered a 3B, the argument was largely that Jeter had passed Ripken.  If you don't count ARod/Ripken/Yount/Banks given how much of their careers were at other spots, I still have Jeter 12th all time.  The difference is solely in defensive valuation) my working plan is to reconsider my list after the 2010 season, that will be the earliest I will get to it.  For now, I am entirely satisfied. 

Clemens and Bonds are in my top ten players ever; they are not eligible for the HOF yet.

Maddux is in my second ten.  ARod/Randy Johnson in my third.  Glavine/Thomas/Pedro/Pudge in my 4th.
Bagwell, Smoltz in my 5th.  But then....

2B Bobby Grich
-48th best player ever.  5th best second baseman ever.  As under appreciated as any major professional sport athlete ever.  And he's the reason why when sportswriters say "you know a Hall of Famer when you hear his name, he doesn't require thought" - they're wrong.  If sportswriters missed on a guy when he played because they were too locked into misguided ways of thinking about baseball, he will never get the level of attention he deserved.  Someone should write a great Bobby Grich book, or a book about Bobby Grich guys - guys who were hidden in plain sight - there was greatness and no one noticed.  There's really no dispute about the composition of the 4 best second basemen ever (Lajoie, Hornsby, Collins, Morgan), I can't think of anyone who makes an argument to the contrary, the only debate is over the order in which they should be ranked.

Griffey, Pujols, Rivera all come before...

SS Barry Larkin
-57th best player ever.  Behind Wagner/ARod/Ripken/Ozzie/Vaughan/Yount/Davis on my all time SS list.  If you want to rank ARod/Ripken/Yount at other positions, that would make Larkin 6th.  Yes, he should have gotten in this year.  Yes, he will get in. 

Manny's turn comes.  Then Lou Whitaker (62) who doesn't make the starting snub lineup because of Grich. Then Bill Dahlen (66) who is behind Larkin on the HOF snub list.  Palmeiro's spot comes up; he's never going in, so he'll be the first baseman on the all time snub team forever, probably.  But not yet, as he's not eligible. 

3B Edgar Martinez
With a career of virtually no defensive value, Edgar Martinez is still a hall of famer (74th best player ever). And right behind him

LF Tim Raines
-Raines is the 75th best baseball player ever.  Grich is off the ballot, but Larkin/Edgar/Raines should have gotten in last week.

Mussina is in the next group - I'm betting he doesn't get in, so he will become the best pitcher never to make it if that's the case.  Rose is next (79th) I assume he goes in one day even though he's ineligble currently so not on this list.  Then come Thome and Rolen, who will both be fence candidates (Thome gets in eventually if everyone decides he was clean, Rolen probably doesn't).  Then comes Sheffield, Trammell (89th), and Chipper.  Sheff probably does not get in, Chipper does.  Trammell and Whitaker maybe get in from the veteran's committee one day. 

Robin Ventura (91) will never come close.  Then comes Schilling, who will probably get in.  Then Santo (97) who the Vets committee will put in.  Then Biggio, who I think probably has to wait for the veteran's committee. 

P Bert Blyleven
I like Blyleven less than other performance analysts (102 overall, 28th best pitcher ever) but he's still a Hall of Famer and the best eligible pitcher never to make it.  Probably he gets in next year.

Robby Alomar (104) is next.  Then Piazza, who makes it if the writers give him a pass on the steroids.  Kevin Brown is next and has no chance.  Then Kent - who probably makes it eventually.  Edmonds is next, I don't see him getting in.   

1B Mark McGwire
(118).  He'll lose his spot on the all-snub team to Raffy when he becomes eligible, but Mac's a HOF'er, sure. 

Vlad's next, he probably makes it.  Then Trevor Hoffman...that will be curious...I don't know honestly, I'm gonna say he gets in.  Jack Glasscock (130) should have the HOF plaque that draws the most giggles from the Cooperstown tourists.  Dick Allen, completely coincidentally (138) is next on the list of snubs.  Bobby Abreu comes next, he won't make it.  John Olerud and Willie Randolph (143, 144) should (but won't, obviously) both just make the HOF slipping right over the border.  Bernie Williams isn't eligible yet, but once he becomes eligible he'll be snubbed. 

C Joe Torre
(147 overall). 

Then Wes Ferrell, (150) who was better than his brother Rick, who is in the HOF.  Then Jeter, who will be in almost unanimously.  Then the no-chance guys: Saberhagen (153), Stan Hack (155) another snubbed Cub 3b.  Then Darrell Evans (156) Only a few left, my HOF cut off is coming soon.  Keith Hernandez (159) makes it, so does Bucky Walters (160) and Graig Nettles (162).  Jorge Posada should get in, I don't know if he does or not. 

That's it.  Carlos Beltran has more he needs to do.  As do Tejada and Helton and if somehow Andruw Jones could find one more big spurt (and Brian Giles too) they'd be worth discussing.  All the other active players are further off the pace (or should be considered such, Santana's gonna make it; watch Berkman and Oswalt.) 

So - that means I have 24 HOF Eligibles who should be in the HOF:

Grich, Larkin, Whitaker, Dahlen, Martinez, Raines, Trammell, Ventura, Santo, Blyleven, Alomar, McGwire, Glassock, Allen, Olerud, Randolph, Torre, Ferrell, Saberhagen, Hack, Evans, Hernandez, Walters, Nettles

24 men.  (yes, I could find 24 current non deserving HOF'ers to swap out in their place if that's the game we're playing) who deserve to be in Cooperstown.

Round 2 - NFL Playoff Picks.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Colts.
Chargers.
Saints.
Cowboys.

In Rnd One, I split, I had Dallas, but lost with GB (fun game) and had the Jets but lost with NE.

The game I've switched here from my opening playoff picks is Dallas/Minnesota - I had the Vikes going to the NFC Title game originally, but now I'm moving to Dallas. 

As for the numbers - Dallas is getting 2 1/2, so obviously that's a number I like.  The Saints are giving 7, if you could get that a half point cheaper I'd feel okay about laying the wood.  The Colts are giving 6 1/5, if you could get another half point then the Ravens start to look really attractive.  The Jets are getting 7 if I had to play that game, I'd take them. 

(edit - I feel the same way about all 4 games upon additional reflection, but now a little more confidently, you might be able to get the Cowboys plus a full 3 without buying a half point, and that would be good for you to do - I like the Saints, even without buying the half point; the Ravens are fine with me at 6 1/2 - and you don't need completion to like the Jets getting 7, you can play it and feel okay). 

The big sports story of the week for me is USC, and that will find its way into Tendown; I don't have it in me to rehash my steroid thoughts with McGwire's admission this week, except to say that the bucket of self righteousness carried around by the American sportswriter is bottomless.  For years, what they say is "why can't someone who hasn't been caught red handed admit to what he did and apologize."
Well, that happened this week and McGwire got eviscerated.  And it was less that anyone disputed him on the facts "you took more than you are saying" - the anger was about meaning - McGwire said steroids helped him recover but not hit a baseball; the reaction to that wasn't "premium athletes tend to be a little delusional about their own abilities; wasn't Roy Jones knocked out a couple of weeks ago" instead it was, "this is a lie, everything is a lie, lie, lie, lie."

What sportswriters want to hear is for McGwire to accept in whole their interpretation of steroids (one which isn't supported by evidence, and one with which I don't agree) that steroids = everything is fraudulent.  They want to hear "none of it was real, all of my home runs should be taken away as they were all due to demonic drugs."

McGwire's not saying that isn't a lie - it's a disagreement with the shallow analysis of mainstream commentators. 

We love our pound of flesh; we can't wait to hear Tiger ask for our forgiveness so we can refuse it to him.  Me, I'd rather him say he owes his family but the rest of us can go screw ourselves.  The celebrity perp walk has become our new national pastime.

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