This is a big show, right? 4 hours, spread, really over 3 nights, given the NXT Show and the likelihood of a post-Mania type angle on RAW the following night. Jon Stewart's "hosting" the show, whatever that means. ForTheLoveofgod---It's the event of the summer - Summer Slam 2015.
1. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs. The Undertaker
Brock kills it; never stops killing it; kills it so often the NRA issues an immediate press release after his matches threatening that we shouldn't politicize how much killing is going on. Kills it.
The best WWE match of 2015 is his 3 way with Cena and Rollins at the Rumble - Brock pops into the promotion, has a four start match, and pops back out.
...except....
The Wrestlemania match last year in which he broke the Undertaker's streak wasn't very good; maybe it was an Undertaker concussion, maybe the Dead Man (since his Bray Wyatt match at this year's Mania also wasn't particularly good) can't get it up anymore. We get to find out here. Undertaker's heeled it up a little bit in the build; maybe enough that were he to screwjob his way to a win that wouldn't be unwarranted. I don't have any Undertaker interest left; even his really good late career Mania matches were a tick overrated and the end of his career doesn't have any interest to me. I'd assume he works this year's giant Mania though, and a feud ending rematch with Brock makes sense from a promotional perspective (even if I'd rather see Brock in with a better worker and the Taker can wrestle Sting).
Edit - 3 1/2 stars, Taker does heel it up late, beats Brock on a disputed, little bit screwy, finish.
2. Title vs. Title: Seth Rollins vs. John Cena
I enjoy title vs. title matches; someone who isn't me can look this up - how often does the person with the higher belt win? The storytelling is a little easier if its the lower ranked belt, it theoretically elevates that title and continues the lineage of both belts.
That logic works for me; I don't need to see any more of Seth Rollins as 2k15 corporate champion and Rollins broke Cena's nose, tough not to have the babyface get some revenge. Sheamus cashing in the briefcase, or attempting to cash in the briefcase, in a way that leads to a non finish, makes some sense too and allows them to keep selling the "Cena has 15 titles" shirts. I'd rather see Rollins in a high profile Mania match with a better worker and Cena can wrestle Sting.
4 stars, Rollins really turned it up here in the match of the night - he beats Cena on a Jon Stewart heel turn, that screwjob finish was slowwwww in developing.
3. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Orton needs to go away for a year. Actually, what he needs to do is jump to WCW. This is the best we'll get from Sheamus, solid enough midcard heel. That's fine, you need those guys. Sheamus has the briefcase, he should go over.
3 1/4 stars - solidly done, Sheamus clean.
4. Cesaro v. Kevin Owens
Owens is in what are likely to be the two best matches of the weekend, he's got an NXT title match against Finn Balor the night before. Right now, Cesaro's the best wrestler in the promotion and Owens would certainly be in the top 10. Owens has to go over here; this can be a great multi-month program - or Cesaro beats him and Owens goes back to NXT because Vince thinks he's too fat. Either way, watch Finn Balor the night before.
3 3/4 - exactly what one expected both in terms of quality and result
5. Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper vs. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose
At some point, Reigns really does need to turn - maybe it's here, maybe it's the next night. They almost certainly have to be trying to get a Rock/Reigns match at some point, maybe as soon as Mania; feeding Ambrose to him after an interim turn makes sense. I'm picking a lot of heel wins.
3 1/4 - solid effort, babyface win.
6. IC: Ryback v. Miz v. Show
I like matches like this - segregate guys I never, ever want to see on my TV and put them in the ring at one time. If Trump's platform was deporting bad wrestlers and their children I could get behind it. Miz as weasely winner would make sense, and while I'm picking heels I might as well just roll with it. The odds of my watching this match aren't good.
Sub 3 stars, super short, Ryback keeps.
7. Stephen Amell and Neville vs. Stardust and King Barrett
Neville's another one of those top 10 wrestlers in the promotion; Barrett and Cody are perfectly fine, the other guy is an actor in a kids show I'll never watch. The actor hurt himself in training - here's a babyface win for you.
Sub 3 stars, babyfaces win.
8. Dolph Ziggler (with Lana) vs. Rusev (with Summer Rae)
Dolph just returned from shooting a movie or an anti-drug PSA or a Golden Earring video; this program has largely been DOA. At some point, Lana turns back so I'll pick another heel win here.
Sub 3 stars, double countout
9. Tags: The Prime Time Players (Titus O'Neil, Darren Young) vs. Los Matadores (Fernando and Diego) (with El Torito) vs. The Lucha Dragons (Sin Cara and Kalisto) vs. The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston and/or Xavier Woods)
It's a whole mess of tag teams so you stick them in a match. It's fine.
Sub 3 stars, New Day takes the titles.
10. Team Bella (The Bella Twins (Nikki Bella and Brie Bella) and Alicia Fox) vs. Team B.A.D. (Naomi, Sasha Banks and Tamina) vs. PCB (Paige, Charlotte and Becky Lynch)
Medocre-bad. 15 minutes of really mediocre-bad.
Here are my thoughts about the Divas Revolution.
1. I've almost entirely ignored WWE women's wrestling for the past 30 years. It's been lousy (but what about Trish! Wasn't Trish good!) No, Trish was not good. Trish was good for a super hot girl. Like saying Jennifer Lawrence is funny. That's different than being good.
2. The crop of NXT women's wrestlers is largely good. If Bellas are the baseline Diva, they're above that.
3. The matches they've had in NXT have been good but not as good as people say they are.
4. The matches they've had on the main roster have been mediocre-bad.
5. This match will be mediocre-bad.
6. They need to stop using the word divas for anyone to take this seriously.
Here's my qualitiative ranking of every match in Summer Slam history.
1. 1994 WWF Title Cage: Bret Hart d. Owen Hart 32 min 4 ¾
2. 1992 IC Davey Boy Smith d. Bret Hart 25 min 4 ¾
3. 2000 Tags: TLC: Edge/Christian d. Hardys d. Dudleys 15 min 4 ½
4. 1995 IC Ladder: Shawn Michaels d. Razor Ramon 25min 4 ½
5. 2013 No DQ: Brock Lesnar d. CM Punk 25min 4 1/4
6. 1991 IC: Bret Hart d. Mr. Perfect 18 min 4 ¼
7. 2009 WWE Title TLC: CM Punk d. Jeff Hardy 21:30 4 ¼
8. 2013 WWE Title Daniel Bryan d. John Cena 27 min 4 1/4
9. 2011 World Title No Holds Barred: Christian d. Randy Orton 23:30 4 ¼
10. 1996 WWF Title: Shawn Michaels d. Vader 22 min 4
11. 2002 Nonsanctioned: Shawn Michaels d. HHH 27:30 4
12. 2000 2/3 Falls Chris Benoit d. Chris Jericho 13 min 4
13. 2008 HIAC: Undertaker d. Edge 26 min 4
14. 2011 WWF Title: CM Punk d. John Cena 24 min 4
2014 WWF Title: Brock Lesnar d. John Cena 16:30 4
15. 1989 Brainbusters d. Hart Foundation 16 min 4
16. 2004: World: Randy Orton d. Chris Benoit 20 min 3 ¾
17. 1998 IC Ladder: HHH d. Rock 26 min 3 ¾
18. 2001 WWF Title: Kurt Angle d. Steve Austin 22:30 3 ¾
19. 2003 WWF Title Kurt Angle d. Brock Lesnar 21 min 3 ¾
20. 2012 Brock Lesnar d. HHH 18:30 3 ¾
21. 1999 WWF Title: Mankind d. Steve Austin/HHH 16:30 3 ¾
22. 2010 Team WWE d. Team Nexus 35:30 3 ¾
23. 1989 Rick Martel/Rougeaus d. Rockers/Tito Santana 15 min 3 ¾
24. 2004 Kurt Angle d. Eddie Guerrero 3 ½
25. 2001 Hardcore Ladder: RVD d. Jeff Hardy 16:30 3 ½
26. 2002 IC: RVD d. Chris Benoit 16:30 3 ½
27. 1997 IC: Steve Austin d. Owen Hart 16 min 3 ½
28. 1998 Lion’s Den: Ken Shamrock d. Owen Hart 9 min 3 ½
29. 2012 Chris Jericho d. Dolph Ziggler 13 min 3 ½
30. 2009 IC: Rey Mysterio d. Dolph Ziggler 12:30 min 3 ½
31. 1997 WWF Title: Bret Hart d. Undertaker 28 min 3 ½
32. 1990 Tags: Hart Foundations d. Demolition 15:30 3 ½
33. 1992 Ultimate Warrior d. Randy Savage 26 min 3 ½
34. 1997 Cage: Mankind d. HHH 16 min 3 ½
35. 2013 World: Alberto del Rio d. Christian 12:30 3 1/2
36. 2003 Eddie Guerrero d. Chris Benoit/Tajiri/Rhyno 10:30 3 ½
37. 2009 DX d. Cody Rhodes/Ted Dibiase, Jr. 20 min 3 ½
38. 1993 Tatanka/Smoking Gunns d. Bam Bam Bigelow/Headshrinkers 11 min 3 ½
39. 1988 British Bulldogs draw Rougeaus 20 min. 3 ½
40. 1996 Boiler Room Brawl Mankind d. Undertaker 27 min 3 ½
41. 2005 Ladder: Rey Mysterio d. Eddie Guerrero 20:30 3 ¼
2014 Bray Wyatt d. Chris Jericho 13 min 3 1/4
42. 2002: Edge d. Eddy Guerrero 12 min 3 ¼
43. 2011 Wade Barrett d. Daniel Bryan 11:30 3 ¼
44. 1995 Hakushi d. 123 Kid 9 min 3 ¼
45. 1999 Test d. Shane McMahon 12 min 3 ¼
46. 1998 Hair: 123 Kid d. Jeff Jarrett 11 min 3 ¼
47. 1998 WWF Title: Steve Austin d. Undertaker 21 min 3 ¼
48. 2000 WWF Title: Rock d. Kurt Angle/HHH 20 min 3 ¼
49. 2006 WWF Title Edge d. John Cena 15:30 3 ¼
50. 2010 RAW Title: Randy Orton d. Sheamus 19 min 3 ¼
51. 1993 Tags: Steiners d. Heavenly Bodies 9:30 3 ¼
52. 1989 IC Title: Ultimate Warrior d. Rick Rude 16 min 3 ¼
53. 2002 Kurt Angle d. Rey Mysterio 9 min 3
54. 2001 IC: Edge d. Lance Storm 11 min 3
55. 2001 Jr: XPac d. Tajiri 7 min 3
2014 Seth Rollins d. Dean Ambrose 11 min 3
56. 2006 I Quit: Ric Flair d. Mick Foley 13 min
57. 2001 WCW Title: Rock d. Booker T 15 min 3
58. 2005 WWF Title John Cena d. Chris Jericho 15 min 3
59. 1988 Tags: Demolition d. Hart Foundation 10 min 3
60. 1994 IC: Razor Ramon d. Diesel 15 min 3
61. 2002 WWF Title: Brock Lesnar d. Rock 16:30 3
62. 2004 Dudleys d. Rey Mysterio/Paul London/Billy Kidman 8 min 3
63. 2011 Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston d. Miz/R Truth/Alberto del Rio 9:30 3
64. 1993 Bret Hart d. Doink 10 min 3
65. 2007 Rey Mysterio d. Chavo Guerrero 12 min 3
66. 2008 MVP d. Jeff Hardy 10 min 3
67. 1996 Owen Hart d. Savio Vega 13:30 3
68. 2008 World CM Punk d. JBL 11 min 3
69. 2012 World: Sheamus d. Alberto del Rio 11:30 3
70. 1995 Bret Hart d. Isaac Yankem 16 min 3
71. 2012 IC: Miz d. Rey Mysterio 9 min 3
72. 1992 Shawn Michaels draw Rick Martel 8 min 3
73. 1991 Virgil d. Ted DiBiase 13 min 3
74. 2007 WWF: John Cena d. Randy Orton 21 min 3
2014 Roman Reigns d. Randy Orton 16:30 3
75. 2008 Batista d. John Cena 13:30 3
76. 2003 Elimination Chamber 19 min 3
77. 1999 Tag Team Gauntlet 16:30 3
78. 1997 Davey Boy Smith d. Ken Shamrock 7:30
79. 1999 Lion’s Den: Ken Shamrock d. Steve Blackman 9 min
80. 2000 Hardcore: Shane McMahon d. Steve Blackman 10 min
81. 2007 ECW: John Morrison d. CM Punk 7 min
2014 IC: Dolph Ziggler d. Miz 8 min
82. 2005 Randy Orton d. Undertaker 17 min
83. 2004 IC: Edge d. Chris Jericho/Batista 8:30 min
84. 2001 Chris Jericho d. Rhyno 12:30
85. 1994 Women: Alundra Blayze d. Bull Nakano 8 min
86. 1999 IC/Euro: Jeff Jarrett d. DLo Brown 7:30
87. 1993 Razor Ramon d. Ted DiBiase 7:30
88. 1996 Goldust d. Marc Mero 11 min
89. 1998 Euro: DLo Brown d. Val Venis 15:30
90. 2005 Edge d. Matt Hardy 5 min
91. 2012 WWF Title: CM Punk d. John Cena/Big Show 14:30
92. 2006 Chavo Guerrero d. Rey Mysterio 11 min
93. 2012 Daniel Bryan d. Kane 8 min
2014 Rusev d. Jack Swagger 9 min
94. 2002: Ric Flair d. Chris Jericho 10:30
95. 2004 HHH d. Eugene 14 min
96. 2010: Smackdown Title: Kane d. Rey Mysterio 12:30
97. 2003: Kane d. RVD 12:30
98. 2005 Kurt Angle d. Eugene 5 min
99. 2007 IC: Umaga d. Carlito/Ken Kennedy 7:30
100. 1989 Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake d. Randy Savage/Zeus 15 min
101. 1988 Hulk Hogan/Randy Savage d. Ted DiBiase/Andre the Giant 14:30 min
102. 1990 Power&Glory d. Rockers 6 min
103. 2011 Mark Henry d. Sheamus 9:30
104. 2007 Kane d. Fit Finlay 9 min
105. 1999 Hardcore: Al Snow d. Boss Man 7:30
106. 1999 Rock d. Billy Gunn 10 min
107. 1993 WWF Title: Lex Luger d. Yokozuna 18 min
108. 1991 Ricky Steamboat/Davey Boy Smith/Kerry von Erich d. Warlord/Power&Glory 10:30
109. 2005 Hulk Hogan d. Shawn Michaels 21:30
110. 1993 Shawn Michaels d. Mr. Perfect 11:30
111. 2009 Tags: Chris Jericho/Big Show d. Cryme Tyme 9:30
112. 2012 Tags: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston d. PTP 7 min
113. 2009 WWF Title Randy Orton d. John Cena 21 min
114. 2013 Cody Rhodes d. Damien Sandow 6:30
115. 2008 WWF Title HHH d. Khali 9:30
116. 2007 Booker T d. HHH 8 min
117. 2006 DX d. Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon 13 min
118. 2006 World Batista d. Booker 10:30
119. 2004 JBL d. Undertaker 17:30 min
120. 2005 World: Batista d. JBL 9 min
121. 2002 Un-Americans d. Goldust/Booker T 9:30
122. 1999 Tags: Undertaker/Big Show d. XPac/Kane 12 min
123. 2001 Tags: Undertaker/Kane d. DDP/Kanyon 10 min
124. 2006 ECW Title: Big Show d. Sabu 8:30
125. 2009 MVP d. Jack Swagger 6 min
126. 1995 Barry Horowitz d. Skip 11:30
127. 1991 Big Boss Man d. Jacques Rougeau 9:30
128. 2001 Dudleys/Test d. APA/Spike Dudley 7 min
129. 2013 Ring of Fire: Bray Wyatt d. Kane 7:30
130. 1997 LOD d. Godwinns 10 min
131. 1988 Powers of Pain d. Bolsheviks 5:30
132. 1994 Bam Bam Bigelow/IRS d. Headshrinkers 7 min
133. 1993 Jerry Lawler d. Bret Hart 6:30
134. 2004 Kane d. Matt Hardy 6 min
135. 1996 Smoking Gunns d. Bodydonnas d. New Rockers d. Godwinns 12 min
2014 Women: Paige d. AJ Lee 5 min
136. 1989 Ted DiBiase d. Jimmy Snuka 6:30
137. 1990 IC: Kerry von Erich d. Mr. Perfect 5 min
138. 1993 IRS d. 123 Kid 6 min
139. 1990 Hulk Hogan d. Earthquake 13 min
140. 1990 WWF Title Cage Match: Ultimate Warrior d. Rick Rude 10 min
141. 1991 Tags: Street Fight: LOD d. Nasty Boys 6:30
142. 1991 Hulk Hogan/Ultimate Warrior d. Sgt. Slaughter/Mustafa/Adnan 12:30
143. 1995 HHH d. Sparky Plugg 7 min
144. 2010 IC Dolph Ziggler no contest Kofi Kingston 7 min
145. 1997 Boriquas d. DOA 9 min
146. 2003 Tags: LaResistance d. Dudley Boys 8 min
147. 1998 Tags: New Age Outlaws d. Mankind 5 min
148. 2000 IC: Eddy Guerrero/Chyna d. Val Venis/Trish Stratus 7 min
149. 2011 Women: Kelly Kelly d. Beth Phoenix 6:30
150. 2000 XPac d. Road Dogg 4:30
151. 2004 John Cena d. Booker T 6 min
152. 2003 Undertaker d. A-Train 9 min
153. 2002 Undertaker d. Test 8 min
2014 Stephanie McMahon d. Brie Bella 10 min
154. 2010 Big Show d. CM Punk/Luke Gallows/Joey Mercury 6:30
155. 1989 Mr. Perfect d. Red Rooster 3:30
156. 2013 Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn d. Big E Langston/AJ Lee
157. 1988 Big Boss Man d. Koko B. Ware 6 min
158. 1990 Jake Roberts d. Bad News Brown 4:30
159. 1990 Warlord d. Tito Santana 5:30
160. 1993 Ludwig Borga d. Marty Janetty 5 min
161. 1996 Sid d. Davey Boy Smith 6 min
162. 2000 Jerry Lawler d. Tazz 4:30
163. 2000 RTC d. Rikishi/Too Cool 5 min
164. 1992 Tags: Natural Disasters d. Beverly Brothers 10:30
165. 1992 LOD d. Money Inc 15 min
166. 1991 IRS d. Greg Valentine 4 min
167. 1990 Randy Savage d. Dusty Rhodes 2 min
168. 2005 US: Chris Benoit d. Orlando Jordan 30 sec
169. 1988 IC Title: Ultimate Warrior d. Honky Tonk Man :30
170. 2009 ECW Christian d. William Regal :30
171. 2011 WWF Title: Alberto del Rio d. CM Punk :30
172. 2008 ECW Matt Hardy d. Mark Henry :30
173. 2013 WWF Title: Randy Orton d. Daniel Bryan :30
174. 1992 Undertaker d. Kamala 3:30
175. 1990 Hacksaw Duggan/Nikolai Volkoff d. Orient Express 3:30
176. 1995 Smoking Gunns d. Blu Brothers 6 min
177. 1992 Crush d. Repo Man 5:30
178. 1988 Dino Bravo d. Don Muraco 5:30
179. 1989 Hacksaw Duggan/Demolition d. Andre the Giant/Boss Man/Akeem 7:30
180. 1998 Edge/Sable d. Marc Mero/Jacqueline 8:30
181. 2003 Shane McMahon d. Eric Bischoff 10:30
182. 2006 Hulk Hogan d. Randy Orton 11 min
183. 1989 Greg Valentine d. Hercules 3 min
184. 1988 Rick Rude d. JYD 6:30
185. 1992 Nailz d. Virgil 4 min
186. 1997 Goldust d. Brian Pillman 7 min
187. 1994 Tatanka d. Lex Luger 6 min
188. 2009 Kane d. Khali 6 min
189. 1988 Bad News Brown d. Ken Patera 6:30
190. 1991 Natural Disasters d. Bushwackers 6:30
191. 1998 Oddities d. Kaientai 10 min
192. 2008 IC/Women Santino/Beth Phoenix d. Kofi Kingston/Mickie James 5:30
193. 2000 Undertaker no contest Kane 6 min
194. 1993 Undertaker d. Giant Gonzalez 8 min
195. 1994 Jeff Jarrett d. Mabel 6 min
196. 1989 Dusty Rhodes d. Honky Tonk Man 9:30
197. 1988 Jake Roberts d. Hercules 10 min
198. 1994 Undertaker d. Undertaker 9 min
199. 1995 WWF Title: Diesel d. Mabel 9 min
200. 2013 Natalya d. Brie Bella 4 min
201. 1995 Women: Bertha Faye d. Alundra Blayze 5 min
202. 1999 Women: Ivory d. Tori 4 min
203. 2000 Women: Kat d. Terri 3 min
204. 2010 Women: Melina d. Alicia Fox 5:30
205. 2007 World: Batista d. Khali 7 min
206. 1996 Jerry Lawler d. Jake Roberts 4 min
207. 1995 Undertaker d. Kamala 16:30
208. 1990 Sherri d. Sapphire (forfeit)
209. 2007 Diva Battle Royal 7 min
210. 2004 Diva Dodge Ball 3 min
